Five years ago, I noticed a tiny blind spot in the middle of my right eye, so small I figured nobody would know what it was and accuse me of having an active imagination (which—of course—I couldn’t deny). However, three years ago, I had a vitreous detachment, which left behind a trail of debris, most notably something that looked like a tarantula lurking in the upper right-hand cobweb of my eye (the worst of all Rorschachian possibilities for this arachnophobe). 😦
And then, a couple of years ago, I started noticing a grey blob in my vision somewhat near the center of my right eye. At first, I assumed it was just the breakdown of the debris, but then I started having other symptoms too. The hearing in my right eye was perceptibly worse than in my left ear, and I started having occasional headaches and some dizziness, which was totally new for me. I couldn’t tell if it was just old age setting in, or if there was something more serious going on. (Now, old age is terminal, so I’m not saying it’s not serious, but there’s not much that can be done about such a chronic condition.)
Last summer, my internist sent me to an ophthalmologist, who couldn’t find anything wrong with my eye or optic nerve, although he said no matter how he tried to fool my eye, it perfectly failed to record vision in that area, so he knew I had a true blind spot. He wondered if I’d been staring at the sun or had been hit by a laser beam, although I had no memory of either. My eye doctor sent me on to an ENT doctor, who couldn’t find anything wrong with my ear. Puzzled, I was sent for an MRI. Nothing there either. (The great news on this is that my mother developed Alzheimer’s, so for the past 30 years I’ve had some fear of inheriting her horrible illness—but they saw no trace. A definite plus for having my brain scare!)
Nobody could explain my symptoms, but they said to come back if anything worsened, and my eye doctor sent me home with some Amsler Grids to do self-tests on my eyes every month and track any changes.
It’s almost time for my annual physical again, and so I was taking stock of my health, and it occurred to me that my grey blob has slowly become a non issue. In fact, I’ve stopped noticing it. I’m not dead sure whether my eye is improving or my eyes have just learned to compensate, but either way, I no longer have a perceptible blind spot.
So, here’s what I think:
*I’m getting older and beginning to experience normal issues of older-aged people, or
*I’m dying of some as yet un-diagnosed disease
Meanwhile, my blind spot has all but disappeared, for which I’m very thankful. But, it makes me ponder spiritual blind spots . . .how we get them, and what we can do to try to overcome them. Physically, about the only thing we can do to avoid developing a blind spot is to be as healthy as possible—eat right, exercise, get enough sleep . . . we all know the drill. Spiritually, I think there are about the same number of essential practices to help us—meditate on the Bible, pray, and keep active in a church community.
Still, we are all susceptible to blind spots. Vitreous detachments are very common in older people, occurring when the jelly-like vitreous dries out and shrivels up a little, making it less flexible, so that little pieces can become detached from the back wall of the eye. If the retina detaches, we can become totally blind. Oh, but doesn’t that sound like us old saints, who don’t like change in the church? (Guilty as charged.) Let’s not let ourselves become detached and develop blind spots! Let’s learn to compensate (through love) so we don’t lose our vision altogether!
“For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Galatians 5:14).
Be Thou My Vision
(—Dallan Forgaill, Public Domain)
- Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art;
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light. - Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one. - Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tow’r:
Raise Thou me heav’nward, O Pow’r of my pow’r. - Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art. - High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heav’n’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
Summer Setting 