Do You Know The Father

Ready to have your heart broken? In America approximately one in every 5 people is a “Baby Boomer” born between 1946-1964. That’s about 72+ million people, and by 2030, we will all be aged 66 or older. It is estimated that 10 million of these individuals will develop Alzheimer’s disease, and among those who live to 85, nearly half will suffer from dementia.

Learning to recognize the signs of dementia and how to cope with loved ones who are losing their mental acuity is becoming more and more essential, not only in caring for our loved ones, but in keeping marriages and families intact.

I have no fewer than six girl friends whose husbands are suffering from dementia at present, and another friend whose kids are in the midst of a gut-wrenching divorce due to the husband’s inability to handle the oppressive disorder in their home caused by a father-in-law who’s moved in with them since losing his wife. The tension, confusion, and disorganization of all that is a family’s “normal” is a major theme in the movie.

The Father (2020, PG-13, 1:37 [1 hour and 37 minutes long], and with a rating of 8.2 on IMBd by 185,000 people!) does an amazing job of depicting the destructive influence on a home by someone who is literally losing his mind and refuses to acknowledge or cope with it.

Anthony Hopkins is a master at portraying a man who can no longer make sense of reality. Alan, who spent most of his career as an internist helping geriatric (and psychiatric) patients, kept commenting on how realistically Hopkins played his role.

The whole team did a fabulous job with The Father. No wonder it garnered six nominations in the 93rd Academy Awards. Hopkins won Best Actor and Zeller and Hampton won Best Adapted Screenplay. Since then, it’s been heralded as one of the best movies from the 2020s and the 21st century!

For those of you who are married and struggling to take care of a self-focused (and likely somewhat senile) parent, may I offer this advice? Put the needs of your spouse and children first. I took my mother in when she had Alzheimer’s, and although she was a model of quiet patience, I was losing weight trying to care for an infant who was up to nurse in the night and a mother who was up tearing her room apart trying to pack for a trip or prepare for a PTA meeting. I was so tired I couldn’t see straight. Alan demanded that I not keep her in our home anymore, but I was too intent on loving mom to understand her presence was sinking our entire ship. (I was homeschooling 6 kids with a new baby and a husband who was overworked.)

At any rate, I probably would have died trying to “save” my mother. What really saved us was my understanding from the Bible that my husband was the head of the home, ultimately responsible for our family, and that I needed to submit to his authority whether or not I agreed with him. Looking back, that was one of the emotionally hardest decisions I ever made, but I believe it was the right decision, because it followed biblical teaching and bore the fruit of “peaceable righteousness” (Hebrews 12:11). When we marry, we are to “leave and cleave.” Honor our parents? Always. Obey them? No, not as adults. The needs of our spouse and children must become our first priority.

As a Baby Boomer facing the grim reality of my own future potential for mental loss, I’ve been trying to do everything I know how to do to keep my brain as healthy as possible. I’ve read you needn’t despair if you have a parent who had Alzheimer’s. A healthy person with a demented parent is actually at less risk of developing Alzheimer’s than a neighbor who has these high risk factors: obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, chronic stress, hypertension, a sedentary lifestyle, strokes, or is a smoker or drinker. A healthy body and soul will go a long way toward keeping a brain healthy.

For those of you who sense you’re developing dementia, may I encourage you to embrace THE Father? God desires each of us to become his child by faith. (If you’re not sure how to become a child of God, please click on the “Coming to Christ” tab at the top of this page.) God is full of love, mercy, wisdom, and grace. He is faithful, and we can trust him to lead us “into paths of righteousness for his name’s sake” (Psalm 23:3) while we’re negotiating life on earth as well as rescue us “from every evil deed” and bring us “safely into his heavenly kingdom” when we die (2 Timothy 4:18, ESV). My parents put their trust in Christ as the way home to heaven (John 14:6) which made them more peaceful and relatively (“RELATIVELY”) easy to care for (although they both ended up in a nursing home). As we learn to trust and lean on THE Father, we will relax and be more able to trust our spouse and children to do the best they can to provide care for us.

Also—for your (our) consolation—even normal, healthy older folks have “senior moments” and memory lapses. If this is happening to you, don’t take it too hard. You may simply be normal, not snowballing down the drifts into insanity. Don’t panic, but if you’re not sure what’s happening anymore, please take the time to get your brain health assessed. It will either be reassuring that you’re okay or confirm that your memory is no longer as reliable as it needs to be to make wise decisions. Whatever happens, know that if you’re prayerfully resting in THE Father, He will take care of you. And, if you’re a child of God through faith in Christ, Jesus has promised, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus will walk with us through the dark shadows and bring us safely to heaven. We don’t have to be afraid.

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10).

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee“ (Isaiah 26:3).

“For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works” (Hebrews 4:10). As my father used to say, quoting John Milton who was grappling with “On His Blindness” and reflecting on the fact that we each have a place and role in God’s world: “They also serve who only stand and wait.”

TWA:NE (51) Places to Love and People to Love

I’m not sure if there’s any place more beautiful in the autumn than a glowing forest enveloped in color, unless in the same sweep of grandeur you can view a distant sea.

That is where I left off writing last fall—amidst the cascade of colors around Lunenberg, Nova Scotia.

I stopped in order to blog about celebrating Christmas in America, but in doing so, I left many tales about my Travels with Allie through the Northeast untold. Lord willing, I want to finish sharing about our trip around Northeastern America this fall, then finish our trip to the Southwest in the first half of 2024, and finally complete tales of our Northwest adventure during the second half of 2024. Let’s see how far I get!

From Nova Scotia,  Alan and I passed through New Brunswick, Canada, and returned to America in mid-October.

The Atlantic Provinces of Canada are stunningly beautiful in autumn, but so is New England!

As we traveled south through Maine, we were greeted at every turn with breathtaking skyscapes and treescapes.

Rivers shimmered under canopies of kaleidoscopic color.

Colors ran like rivers across the open grasslands.

Textured skies vied for attention.

The highways beckoned us to follow their long and winding roads.

To . . . home?

God painted the sunset with undulating movement

and a palette of almost every hue under heaven!

Heading home? Yes, I think—just beyond the sunset . . .

Home, a place of refuge as the night closed in around us.

Not my home, but Susan’s home—warm, inviting, historic. We’ve been friends for over 50 years. She and Bob owned a dairy farm that looked like a Rockwell painting. In fact, everything about their life seemed idyllic.

Until Bob took off with a guy after more than 25 years of marriage. I was dumbfounded and incredulous. How could he do that? Really, his betrayal of my dear friend was also a big part of what kept me from writing more last year, and I’m still not sure what to say. Susan has given me permission to say whatever I feel led to say, and Bob has since died of lung cancer, but the ache in all our hearts may never heal.

Bob and I were actually friends first, and I didn’t meet Susan until after they married. Bob and I had been confidants in college . . . I thought. He told me all about his hopes and dreams and aspirations. I could tell him my woes over trying to figure out what to do with Alan during his rebel years, and Bob could tell me about the girls who were chasing him. It seemed like we really understood each other—or so I thought. He was the heir to a millionaire, which (unfortunately) made him especially attractive to other young women. I didn’t care about money, but I did genuinely care about Bob. He invited me home to meet his family. Not everybody has a landing strip in their front yard, do they? He took me to meet his grandparents. Their mansion looked like straight out of The Happiest Millionaire (although his family was gracious, not nutty). He was sweet, kind, and always a gentleman.

Yet there was something not quite right. When Alan and I broke up “for good,” Bob called to let me know he’d bought a farm and wondered if I’d be interested in marrying him. I thought to myself, “I may live to regret this, but I just can’t.” I said, “Thank you, but no.” I loved Bob, but I wasn’t “in love” with Bob, and I knew the difference.

We always remained friends. I married Alan, and he married Susan. We exchanged Christmas cards every year, and Susan’s letters always made me happy. Full life; beautiful kids; always doing a zillion good things for everybody.

When Susan told me Bob left her for a man, I contacted Bob and begged him to go home. As if it explained everything, he told me he’d been abused as a kid and had always struggled with homosexual desires. Personally, I think few people live through a marriage without at some point thinking they made the wrong choice, but I also believe we are better off toughing it out with our partner than quitting regardless of our secret struggles or how we change over time. Doesn’t our promise of “for better or worse” cover that?

Anyway, his mind was made up. We still kept in occasional contact, but not to any avail for positive change that I could tell. His life concluded with a series of shipwrecks and sorrows. A terrifying end, although his daughters attended him as he died, and he is buried back at home on their farm, close to Susan (as he wished).

I do not understand homosexuality. I do know the Bible is clear that God’s design for marriage is to pursue life as a heterosexual couple.

I’ve struggled for years to make sense of dystopic relationships and come up blank every time. But, I’ve also pored over the Scriptures enough to know that God challenges us to love everyone, including those we believe are wrong and making harmful choices. Jesus even tells us to love and forgive our enemies. He taught, “If you love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Which commandments? Well, for starters, to love God above all else and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

As we journey through life to our heavenly home, let’s remember to love everyone—not just those with whom we agree or those we admire. Love “does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:5-7). Can we love and pray for those around us, no matter who they are?

“This is my commandment, That you love one another, as I have loved you.”
(John 15:12).

“And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.”
(1 John 2:3).

The Solution for Pain: Eremos

So what’s Eremos? A new drug??

This is a story you’ve probably either heard or lived through yourself. I was reaching out to a friend whose marriage had eroded quietly for years but suddenly collapsed in a mudslide to destruction. He has a super bright wife who works day and night to provide for their family and two highly successful children winning all sorts of awards in high school. Yet, even though it looked to me like he’s had a nearly ideal home and family life, he became so dysfunctional from drugs and alcohol that he’s been kicked out. It wasn’t obvious to those who loved the family from afar, but there have been years and years of love, tears, and desire to help that he ignored until it was too late.

How does this happen? “But, you can’t imagine the pressure I was under,” he complained to me. True enough. He had been the #1 salesman in the nation for his company— full of dreams and ambition. That’s a lot of pressure. He’d grown up in an alcoholic home. That’s a terrible obstacle to overcome. Past wounds and present pressures . . . the perfect storm for drowning. But, do we have to drown?

My friend has landed at his father’s house— a ranch sort of in the middle of nowhere. After losing his own wife years ago, this father eventually found his way to freedom through faith in Christ, and he’s sharing this faith with his son, providing a safety net for him, texting him Bible verses every morning, praying for him, and giving him space. Will my friend repent and allow Jesus to transform him? I pray so, but it’s not a given. I’m also praying for half a dozen young (and older) people who seem unable to overcome the addictions that are killing them (literally).

To a greater or lesser degree, I’ve seen this scenario lived out again and again. Some call it Midlife Crisis or burnout. I used to think of it as a middle-age malady among men, but honestly—it can affect any of us at any time. What’s the answer? For me, it’s always Jesus, the source of truth, life, and freedom. The One who died so that we can have forgiveness for our sins. The One on whom we can cast ourselves, confessing our sins and begging for help.

How many times in my life have I taken Jesus up on his offer?— “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). My need for grace and help on my pilgrimage to heaven has never ended. I feel like a salmon trying to migrate up a waterfall, praying and jumping over, and over, and over again . . . how many ever times it takes me to be able to make it to the “next level” in the great adventure we call life on earth.

But, back to my original question: What is Eremos? It’s a Greek word used in the Bible that’s translated often as “wilderness.” It means an isolated, solitary, desert place where no one is and there are no resources. No food, water, or shelter. This is where Satan tested and tempted Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t cave in to temptation. His resource was complete reliance on God. Jesus fasted. He prayed. He stood his ground by quoting Scripture. He survived. And, he went on to save the world. Literally! He’s the only superhero who isn’t fictitious. Jesus is the Almighty God incarnate—in the flesh—, and He is the One and only power in heaven or on earth who can forgive, redeem, save, heal, and transform us.

When we are tested and tempted, we have two choices: to give in to temptation (which leads to sin, addictions, and eventually death), or we can cast ourselves completely on God, coming boldly to the throne of grace, begging him for mercy and the grace to resist temptation and overcome evil with good.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the problems and pressures of life, don’t take a drug, take a walk to the Eremos and meet with God. Cry out to Him and do NOT turn to idols. Billy Sunday taught, “One reason sin flourishes is that it is treated like a cream puff instead of a rattlesnake.” Let’s take our sins seriously and let God fill us with the water of life that flows from the Rock: “for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ” ( 1 Corinthians 10:4). Jesus is the friend that sticks “closer than a brother” and promises to never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). He’ll be with us in the Eremos. We’ll never be alone once we have Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

Psalm 61:1-4. “Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.”

(I took the two desert photos from an “eremos” in Tunisia)

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry

Back in the 1980s, after my father retired from a long career as a college professor, he lamented, “I can’t find enough time to get all my work done!” My quick-witted eldest brother responded cheerfully: “What you need is to go back to work so you can take some time off and go on vacation!” 🙂

Forty years ago, we all laughed, but here we are a generation later, feeling almost overwhelmed by busy-ness after our own retirements. And, it’s not just “us,” it’s pretty much everybody I know! My smallest child used to get bored on a rare occasion, but with video games on their parents’ old i-phones these days, there’s now an escape hatch to entertainment and distraction as close as the nearest pocket. Nobody is ever bored, but conversely, peace and quiet are now out of stock in most homes.

What to do? John Mark Comer, a young pastor who burned out when his well went dry from overwork, took time to figure out what was going wrong and recalibrate his life before he sank his family. His book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, was used as a basis for discussions by Alan and his team of eight men on their pilgrimage/retreat to Israel. It was so helpful to Alan that he had us read it together. John Mark builds a good case for the problem of being “hurried” (although it seems self-evident to me), and then he suggests four areas for self-examination and intentional change.

A few of take homes (which I’m giving as almost quotes but not perfectly . . . because I’m in a hurry 🙂 ) include ideas such as:

1. It’s good to be busy (Jesus was busy) but not “hurried” (Jesus was never too busy to stop and help).
2. Most people are too busy to live an emotionally rich life.
3. “Hurry Sickness,” coined in the 50s, is the continual struggle to become more and more productive in less and less time.
4. Signs of devolving from busy to hurried include problems like irritability, emotional numbness, addictions and other escapist behaviors, failure to attend the needs of our families—or even our own needs for proper rest, nutrition, and exercise. Too busy to pray? To meditate on the Bible? To call that friend who’s been having a hard time?
5. “We are distracting ourselves into spiritual oblivion. We are more busy than bad, more distracted than nonspiritual, more interested in the mall, the theater, and our sports than our church.” As a case in point, last Sunday after church one dear friend told me that if she wanted to see her grandchildren for Mother’s Day, she was going to have to attend three different ball games. Ouch!
   

If you find yourself cringing over these ideas, then you might profit from reading The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. To undelude any of us who may be so busy we can’t take time to diagnose our own case of hurryitis, the author paints many vivid pictures of what it looks like to be too busy (e.g. “Hurry is not of the devil; hurry is the devil” [C. G. Jung]. . . . well, not really, but provocative!), and then he offers four simple suggestions for how to “unhurry” our lives, including examining and prayerfully readjusting four areas:

1. Silence and solitude (Oooo, you mean that should be a part of my life??)
2. Sabbath (Not just going to church on Sunday and avoiding ordinary work, but on the positive side, it’s about worship and rest. Alan and I are really starting to intentionally experiment with this.)
3. Simplicity (Got too much junk cluttering your life? I sure do!)
4. Slowing (Yikes! You mean Amazon isn’t the best because it’s the fastest????)

What’s the payoff? Peace. Rest. Contentment while bearing the relatively “light” yoke of Christ. Being more like Jesus and enjoying a rich spiritual life. I’m going to write the rest like a quote from John Mark, although it’s not exact. I’m too busy to look back and find the exact wording. 🙂 (Well, the following is really a synopsis of lots of Comer’s ideas sprinkled through the book):

“What is spiritual life? The capacity to give and receive love. There is a great book called Three Miles an Hour God (by Koyama Kosuke) . . . God walks slowly because He is Love. Love has its speed. It is Lord over all other speeds because it’s the speed of love. We are called to abide in Christ and walk with God, not run with God. Respect the speed of God. Jesus was never said to be in a hurry. Willard Dallas called Jesus ‘relaxed’ in one word. Jesus was present in the moment. How many of the teachings of Jesus are responses to interruptions? Comer thinks over 50% (he’s not sure; he was too busy to figure it out 🙂 ). CS Lewis put it this way, ‘How you respond to interruptions is who you really are.’ Jesus responded with compassion.

“Hurry sabotages our ability to love. It takes time to soak in the love of God for us and then to give it out. Intimacy takes a lot of time. ‘Love is spelled TIME.’ It’s not just about quality, it’s also about quantity. Hurry is the death of prayer. ‘Atheism, the religion of the busy.’ 1 Corinthians 13 gives the description of love, and love is patient. Hurry oxidizes love. There’s a decline in compassion and a rise of outrage in our culture; much of this is tied to the speed of our lives. We need to slow down long enough to feel with other people. There’s a strong correlation between listening and love. People interpret being listened to as love, even if at the end of the day you disagree with them. Hurry kills the wisdom to think well and make good decisions. Hurry kills compassion and love.

 “If hurry is the problem, the solution is to slow down and simplify our lives. The Rule of Life (not rules but rule) popularized by St. Benedict was a set of practices and relational rhythms to create space in our lives to receive and give love.”

(Now I’m speaking again rather than synopsisizing): Want to give and receive love? I do. Let’s slow down our lives a little so we can be more like the Good Samaritan who loved his “neighbor” and saved a life!

“‘Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?’ He said,’The one who showed him mercy.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘You go, and do likewise’” (Luke 10:36-37, ESV).

Family Update: POW/MIA Accounting

A couple of years ago Alan was asked by the U.S. military for a DNA sample as part of an attempt to identify bone fragments recovered from Slovenia that may have been those of Alan’s second cousin, Clyde Armstrong.

Clyde was a bomber pilot during World War 2 who had participated in 32 successful sorties before being shot down after effectively bombing and destroying a railroad supply line bridge being used by the Nazis.

Of the eleven members of their crew, 4 were able to bail out and survive (after being POWs until the end of the war). Of the seven who died in the crash, six bodies have been identified and buried, but Clyde’s body was never found with any sense of certainty.

Last weekend, we were invited to attend a conference in Chicago by the Defense Accounting Agency for POW/MIAs.

We had a chance for a personal counseling session with a military historian familiar with Clyde Armstrong’s case and also heard a full day’s worth of fascinating seminars explaining the great lengths our country goes to in trying to retrieve and identify the remains of each of our soldiers. As much as possible, they are truly devoted to having “no soldier left behind.”

With recently developed, highly sensitive techniques for DNA research, new progress is being made. However, the challenges are mind-boggling. For instance, a bomber taken out by anti-aircraft fire will often explode before crashing. Debris (and body parts) from such aircrafts have been found in areas encompassing as many as 70 acres. At the opposite end of the spectrum are the compacted remains from hand-to-hand combat zones. Lab specialists have now discovered that graves originally thought to hold the body parts of one soldier may have up to 94 different DNA fragments interred together.

The advances in technology are both exciting and confusing. I learned a lot but also left with my mind spinning and full of questions. For instance, there were 405,399 total U.S. casualties from World War 2. 360,000 of those deaths occurred overseas, and from that vast group, 72,000 soldiers have cases that are still unresolved, either because their bodies couldn’t be found or because they couldn’t be identified. That’s just World War 2. There are also soldiers still MIA (missing in action) from Korea, Vietnam, and ongoing conflicts. That leaves a lot of grieving family members wondering where their loved ones are.

We joined a group of about 350 family members of soldiers who are still MIA. Although Alan was one of Clyde’s nearest male relatives (for DNA research), Clyde died six years before Alan was born, so the loss wasn’t as deep for him as for some, but it touched him more deeply than he anticipated. Clyde had lived across the street from Alan, and Alan’s closest childhood friend (and cousin) was Clyde’s nephew. Back in the 50s, nobody talked about the war. Nobody talked about the losses. After World War 2, everybody tried to forget the horrors and start over. Except for a few letters and diaries, little remains of the traumas and triumphs.

But, the pain and pride remain. One of the more therapeutic sessions gave people a chance to talk about their missing loved ones and honor their memories. Most of the people were elderly, and I think most of them had lost their father . . . a father they’d never really known. However, they had been told about their loved one’s bravery, and sometimes the stories were laced with humorous tales as well as heroism. It was both comforting and inspiring. It was our first “update,” but we discovered that there are occasional updates offered in various venues around the country. I think these military meetings serve two purposes—not only to reassure citizens that their loved ones have not been forgotten and the search goes on, but also to help people process their grief and find some solace in mutually suffering with others.

As a mother with a son in the military, I could empathize a little. I can’t even allow myself to imagine the grief our family would experience were we to lose Michael, but that’s what has happened to each of these dear family members . . . for years, some for decades, and some perhaps for the rest of their lives. During the course of the day, I got to talking with one of the men who helped people find their way. He wasn’t wearing a military uniform, so I asked how he was involved. “I’m a retired ranger by training but after thirty years of active duty, I’ve become a volunteer ‘pathfinder’.” So, you know me, I couldn’t resist pointing out that Jesus is the world’s best pathfinder. He beamed. “You’re so right! I’m in seminary now, hoping to help people find their way spiritually as well.”

Usually when we visit Alan’s hometown, we make a stop at the cemetery and pause to remember his loved ones who have gone before us. I don’t know if there will ever be bones underneath Clyde’s memorial plaque, but I know his spirit isn’t there. We learn from Ecclesiastes 3:20-21 that we are made from dust and return to dust, no matter where on earth our bodies reside. But, we can have hope that our spirits rise upward to meet God.

“There shall be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and unjust” (Acts 24:15).

“It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” (Hebrews 9:27).

Jesus is the only true pathfinder as we search for God. He explained, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me” (John 14:6).

“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you shall be saved” (Acts 16:1).

“But as many as received him [Jesus], to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God” (John 1:12-13).

P.S.—If you still have any questions about heaven or how to get there, please click on the “Coming to Christ” tab at the top of this page, or leave a comment in the comment box below, or email me with questions at kathrynwarsmtrong@gmail.com.

#2. Epic Movies

We didn’t watch a lot of movies over the holidays, but we did watch some epic movies, and I want to share three, not only because they touched me deeply, but just in case you haven’t seen them yet, because I think they’re very worth watching.

Boys Town is an old black and white film from 1938 starring Spencer Tracy and Micky Rooney. It’s based on the inspiring life of Father Edward Flanagan, who started a home for young boys after hearing a death-row prisoner say he might have avoided a life of crime if he’d had even one friend as a child. We showed it to our son Aaron’s family while they were visiting (4 sons), and we all really enjoyed it. The acting was great, but the example of one man’s faith in God and self-sacrifice to help young boys was even greater. (G-rated, 7.2 on IMDb, a true classic in every sense.) Boys Town still exists, over 100 years after its inception in 1917, and continues to provide support and care for thousands of boys in nine sites across America.

Good Night Oppy is hot off the movie press. It’s a 2022, PG, 7.7-IMDb-rated documentary that follows the development and scientific adventures of NASA’s Mars Exploration Rover affectionately nicknamed “Oppy” (“Opportunity”). The passion for both scientific and engineering creation and discovery is palpable, and you can’t help but “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15) as you enter into the agonizing challenges and ecstatic successes of the teams who operate and oversee the progress of this little 5-foot 2 honey of a robot who becomes personified as she climbs the hills of Mars, digs herself into pits, and slides down the sides of craters.

Oppy was only expected to “live” for 90 days but ended up trekking around Mars for fifteen years in search of water and life. Both Alan and I identified with her old age, when she became arthritic from dust damage and started to lose her memory. Yikes! Talk about sounding like an old person. Anyway, it’s a very interesting study on current space exploration. They didn’t find any sign of life but did find conditions for what appears to be the possibility of water at one time, although there is no water on Mars today. However, they’re sending up a new exploration rover to continue the search, so stay tuned, all you Martians!

Break Every Chain is a 2021 movie recounting the battle of Jonathan Hickory, a police officer in Charlottesville, Virginia, to overcome “alcoholism, depression, and devastating loss, and the true story of how God changed his life forever.” It’s won 25 awards in international film festivals and Christian film festivals, but I think mainline media and press down-rate it unfairly. It’s hard to watch, but I don’t think it’s melodramatic. It’s like boot camp for the army. Nothing can really prepare you for the horrors of war. Nothing can really prepare any of us to understand the horrors of alcoholism and how it devastates families, either.

I’m praying right now for a family that’s been ripped apart by an alcoholic father. It happens, and it’s excruciatingly painful. Jonathan exposed his own traumas and sins because he knows that God really can transform, heal, and bring forgiveness and redemption to relationships. Today he serves on the Police Department’s Peer Support Team, teaching a DCJS-approved “Resilience and Suicide Prevention” course at the police academy and a Life Safety team with The Point Church in Charlottesville.

If you’re struggling with trauma in your life and substance abuse, please reach out to God for help! You might also consider watching this movie or reading Jonathan’s book, Break Every Chain. Every life is worth saving, and Jesus can save!

Jonathan Hickory with his wife and children

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10, NIV).

TWA: NE (34): Reversing the Falls in Saint John, New Brunswick

Our first major stop in Canada was Saint John, New Brunswick. Saint John is Canada’s third largest seaport and was the first city in Canada to be incorporated (back in 1785 by King George III of England, although it was first explored by Samuel de Champlain almost two centuries earlier, in 1604).

Because we travel in a motor home, we rarely venture into cities, but the one attraction we could not resist was the Skywalk across the Reversing Falls Bridge.

The mighty powers of river currents and rising tides collide at Reversing Falls

We were also planning to indulge in “the best ever” halibut for lunch at the Reversing Falls Restaurant (pictured at the far end of this bridge), but it was closed due to Covid. 😦

Happily, we were still able to walk all around the area and across the bridge to see the falls reversing.

Poster explaining the three phases of Reversing Falls

How does it work?

Rising tides clash with the Saint John River’s current

Saint John is on Fundy Bay of the Atlantic Ocean, which has the highest tides in the world—up 56 feet! The Reversing River Falls are a series of rapids where the Saint John River gushes through a narrow gorge before emptying into Fundy Bay.

Rising tides from Fundy Bay push back the flow of the Saint John River

However, twice a day, as the tides rise, they push back the river current with such force that the effects can be felt 80 miles up the river!

At the change of tides, there is a “slack” tide for about 20 minutes, which is the only time the river is calm enough for boats to safely traverse the river.

After this slight resting phase, the direction of the river reverses, and as the tides recede, the river flows downstream and out into the ocean again.

Reversing Falls Rapids is a UNESCO Global Geopark!

During this process, the water levels can change as much as 16.4 feet, making waters dangerously turbulent and unpredictable.

In addition, the rapids are created by underwater ledges thought to be the meeting of two ancient continents, and the waters roil in eddies and whirlpools going both directions, so no matter how deep the water is, navigation is always hazardous.

So far, there hasn’t been a great loss in number of lives since 1838, when 19 women and children died after their boat hit a rock and capsized.

However, the bridge must be a popular spot for suicides. In 2019, there were more than 17 suicides in the Saint John area—so many that a “Bridge of Hope” event was organized to encourage people struggling with depression and mental illness to feel loved and supported . . . to know that there are people who care about them, and that there is hope.

How about you? Are you able to remain calm despite the currents and tides in your life? If so, praise God! If not, please know that there is help. In Saint John, there is the “Saint John Mobile Mental Health line,” 1-888-811-3664, and in Canada generally, you can call Canada Suicide Prevention Services, 1-833-456-4566, or 911. In America, you can also call 911 for any crisis, although there is also a Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. I have also read you can text 741741, which is a Crisis Text Line available to anyone, and that within minutes a trained counselor will respond. (I hope these are all true, faithful resources.)

“Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.”
(Psalm 119:165)

Personally, I have found peace in knowing and trusting in the wonderful love and care of Jesus, my Lord and Savior, and in God, who has become my Father through faith in Christ. This blessed assurance that I belong to God, and that He loves me, has kept my heart at rest during the strains and sorrows of life.

Sung by Joni Eareckson Tada, who has been quadripelgic for 55 years

If Your Daughter is in Sports—Don’t Let Her Become Another Athlete A

Next to mass shootings, I can’t think of anything more devastating than the sexual abuse that’s been happening in America.

Rachel Denhollander received the 2021 Abraham Kuyper Prize
for Excellence in Reformed Theology and Public Life

We all hear about the murderous evil splattered across the front pages of our newspapers from mass shootings, but the insidious assault perpetrated for years by athletic coaches and medical personnel has only recently come to light, largely through the tireless efforts of Rachael Denhollander, a courageous young lawyer and political activist who was a former gymnast . . . one of the hundreds sexually assaulted by Larry Nassar.

Athlete A, 2020, PG-13, 7.6 IMDb

This is a really hard movie to watch, but if you have a child (especially a daughter) who’s part of any athletic program, I urge you to watch it so you will beware of the potential for evil in our society. (And, consider watching it a second time with your daughter.) Frankly, I think it’s time for all of us to assess the sexual safety of each of our children, regardless of gender or athletic prowess. I have a close friend whose grand daughter was part of a rowing team a few years ago where the coach had secretly installed equipment for watching the girls in the dressing room. He’s in prison now, but the girls were totally unaware of his voyeurism, and they all loved him! He was a great coach, and they were a winning team. The girls were devastated by his betrayal.

I had a male friend (now passed) who was abused by an admired custodian at the elite prep school he attended, and after twenty-five years of marriage he left his wife for a man. He tried to live with his gruesome secret, but he confided to me that he never recovered from the affects of being abused. Both men and women are being assaulted in record numbers.

Woman interviewed in Athlete A

I’m not sure it’s possible to assess the effects from being betrayed by those you trust and admire, but I think the impact and struggle to overcome is a lifelong battle for most.

Sexually abuse is a topic so ugly no one wants to touch it, but it’s way past time to confront this evil and protect our young people. I suspect this movie is just the tip of the iceberg, but may we each take it seriously and examine what’s going on in our homes, schools, and social groups.

It is my prayer that at the beginning of this new school year, each parent makes the challenging effort to talk individually with each of their children. Start building trust with them in this area. You can be sure they’re hearing “all about it” at school anyway. We need to have listening, non-judgmental hearts, seeking to figure out how each child is doing. Are they involved in any physical activity where they are being touched? Even what’s labeled therapeutic massage can lead to erotic mishandling. Please, please be wary. Please, please make sure your youngsters feel safe with you, so they don’t think you’ll condemn them. I have one dear friend who finally got the courage to say her uncle had been sexually abusing her, and instead of protecting her, the whole family turned on her in disbelief because the uncle “couldn’t possibly” have seduced her. “It must have been her fault!”

No, the older person is responsible for protecting the younger person. If you find yourself attracted to someone much younger than you are, seek help immediately! If you find yourself attracted to someone older who should not be available, tell an older adult who’s in a position to help you, and get help!

If you don’t know where to turn for help, please start by praying and asking God for wisdom about how to proceed and where to go for emotional and physical safety. God knows each of us intimately. He understands our hearts and needs. He sent Christ to die for our sins, and He can bring miraculous healing to our wounded hearts—if we’ll let Him!

“Help, Lord; for the godly man ceases;
for the faithful fail from among the children of men” (Psalm 12:1).

“And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him” (Psalm 37:40).

The Cokeville Miracle(s)

With all the shootings lately, are you feeling uneasy about sending your kids off to school this fall? If so, you might be (at least somewhat) encouraged by watching this 2015 movie recounting of the elementary school hostage crisis in Cokeville, Wyoming on May 16, 1986. In truth, the movie was so distressing that Alan almost turned it off, not wanting to see the mass murder of children.

But then, I pointed out that the name is The Cokeville Miracle, so something miraculous must have happened, and perhaps the children were rescued.

Children escaping from Cokeville Elementary School (from the movie)

How do I share this story without going into the amazing things that happened? I’ve decided to add a comment in the comment box below that list some of the miraculous occurrences because it wasn’t just a single miracle but many, many unexplainable events that all worked together for good.

The movie is told from the standpoint of Ron Hartley, who was the lead investigator for the Lincoln County Sheriff’s Department and a skeptic, although when he met the bomb tech at the door of the school, he was immediately told that the physical evidence didn’t really line up with what happened. What happened?

The real David Young

It all began several years prior when the town’s marshal, David Young, was fired for misconduct. David moved to Tuscon, Arizona and worked on a nonsensical manifesto, declaring that “Zero Equals Infinity” and believing that he had the power to cause death and resurrection so he could become the leader of a Brave New World, ruling over “intelligent children.”

To test his plan, David returned to Cokeville with a skillfully designed bomb to blow up the elementary school. David and his wife Doris lured 154 children and adults into one room by saying there was a “surprise” or an “assembly” awaiting.

Footage from the movie depicting the hostage takeover

Instead, they held everyone captive with guns and the bomb attached to David’s wrist.

David demanded 2 million per person ($304 million) and an audience with Ronald Reagan or he would kill everyone.

And then, people began to pray.

The rest is history, and you can read about it in Wikipedia, but it’s also a powerful movie, and the movie goes into detail on both the amazing “coincidental” details (that go beyond explanation) as well as the testimonies of many, many of the children who saw visions of angels who helped them or told them what to do.

If you don’t believe in miracles, please watch this movie and research the details. If you do believe in miracles, you’ll be wide-eyed with wonder and joy! What happened changed the lives of everybody in the little town of Cokeville and has had an enduring impact. Here are a few photos I took from the end of the movie that share the message without spoiling the amazing “what” and “how” of the story:

“Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them:
because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

“Call unto me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things,
which you do not know” (Jeremiah 33:3).

Where Would We Be Without our Thumbs?

I fractured my wrist earlier this summer. It took a week for the swelling not to go down enough for Alan to tell me I needed to go to a doctor and have it checked out, and then it took another week to get it X-rayed and a cast placed. I thought about whining, since I was managing without a cast, but the PA told me it wasn’t healing and probably wouldn’t heal unless it was completely immobilized in a cast for at least a month. She assured me I could use all my fingers and my thumb. Thankful for modern medicine and with hopes I could continue life almost as usual (tempered only by pain), I did the right thing and submitted to having a cast placed.

What I didn’t know was that I could only almost use my thumb. It didn’t really reach the keyboard, so typing became awkward and slow. It didn’t come together with my index finger so I could get a good grip on anything. Thankfully, it was my left wrist, and I’m right-handed, so I could still write, but in case you think your left hand isn’t very important, here’s a partial list of all the things that are hard to do (or nigh unto impossible) without a functioning left hand:
Dress and undress
Squeeze any type of tube, like toothpaste or lotion
Floss your teeth
Style your hair (more than running a brush through it)
Shower and dry off with a bath towel (can’t get a good grip on the towel)
Unscrew any lid (watch out, kitchen!)
Wring out a dishcloth
Open anything that requires force from two hands (from boxes to envelopes)
Carry anything that requires two hands to grip
Cut meat (okay, so I learned to balance my fork between two left fingers, but it’s awkward)
Tie shoelaces tight

And on, and on! It gave me a new appreciation for the misery inflicted by (and on) Adonibezek, the king in the Old Testament who cut off the thumbs and big toes of 70 of his enemies . . . and then had the same punishment meted out to him later (Judges 1:6-7). It doesn’t just slow people down; it incapacitates them big time!

Would I refuse to get a cast had I known how inconvenient and frustrating it was going to be? No. Once broken, I had to succumb to superior forces for correction and healing, because I’d never heal correctly on my own. Despite my best efforts at self-protection, and even with the natural caution induced by pain, I wasn’t healing. And, if I’d persisted in refusing treatment, I was warned I could end up with a permanent disability.

Laura Bush, 2005 White House photo by Krisanne Johnson. Public Domain

How about you? Sometimes our wounds are physical, and we’re usually pretty good about getting help for those. But . . . spiritual and emotional wounds? Not so much. We think we’ll be strong and heal on our own. On our last trip, Alan and I listened our way through Laura Bush’s memoir, Spoken From the Heart. She relates the horrible account during her teen years of missing a stop sign in the dark on a country road. The result? She accidentally killed one of her closest friends. Although no one took her to court and everyone sympathized with her (knowing it was completely accidental), she was in great emotional pain over her failure. In those days, nobody thought to recommend therapy or help. Sins were to be buried and failures forgotten, so that’s what Laura tried to do, but it didn’t really work. She carried that nightmarish burden for the rest of her life, although in her book, she makes a big point of counseling people to get help when they’ve had deep troubles.

There is help. If you’re aware of pain and problems in your life, please reach out for help! Don’t let heartaches fester. Good physicians, ministers, therapists, and counselors are a good thing! But, God also wants us to come to Him for help (2 Chronicles 16:12). He is the Great Physician and the One to whom we can look for help with every trouble! He will direct our steps to find the right solutions (probably including therapeutic help from human sources). He will walk with us through the fires and be “our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

“But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall” (Malachi 4:2).