Category Archives: Relationships

Rise Up, My Love (224): Twin Fawns in Fields of Lilies

112-newborn-fawn  Song of Solomon 7:3 The praise given in this verse is a beautiful metaphor repeated from the husband’s earlier description of his bride, where he speaks of twin fawns feeding among a field of lilies. Can’t you just imagine such a wonderful scene from nature as if you were a hiker who had the privilege of being at just the right place at just the right moment? You are out walking in the woods on a sunny spring day. You’ve been following a gurgling stream lined with azure-blue forget-me-nots and wild purple irises, and suddenly you come out into a meadow where an open, breezy hill rises in front of you. The hill is covered—not with “a host, a crowd of golden daffodils”— but with the breathtaking splendor of huge, white-throated lilies, and high on the crest of the hill you see a fawn, up to its neck in flowers, with only its head peeking out as it grazes silently.

Double that image, and you have the sense of wonder the husband feels when he sees his beloved’s body. It is as if her breasts were hills covered by vast fields of snow white lilies dappled with two young deer—perfectly symmetrical twins, soft and rounded—quietly grazing among the flowers. And, for the wayfaring pilgrim who lingers to meditate thoughtfully on the picture, a message on gentleness appears.

twin-fawns-09-14-04What would be your first reaction to seeing a young fawn? Oh, how soft and lovely! Wouldn’t you love to be able to touch and pet it? to befriend it? to be gentle enough to win its trust? But, what would happen if you rushed up the side of the hill in an attempt to capture the fawn? It would disappear instantly! The analogy is obvious and instructive. Just as a man couldn’t win the trust of a fawn by rushing at it, so he will not be able to win the privilege of “petting” his wife without the long process of building and maintaining trust through love and gentleness…the way one might win the friendship of a fawn.

113-spring-twin-fawnsFor any husband who feels the frustration of not being given enough liberty with his wife’s body…try a new approach. Try thinking of your wife as if she were a fawn…easily startled…reactive to perceived aggression even if no harm is meant…slow to trust if trust has been broken…saddled with an inborn sense of vulnerability and insecurity…quick to flee rather than fight.

No matter how hardened women may appear on the outside, this delicate emotional nature is their almost universal heritage, and—except when they are driven by lust—women will react instinctively to advances not couched in genuine, gentle love! Does your wife brush off your advances? If so, ask yourself, “Do I truly love her…with the sacrificial love of Christ?” Are you thinking about what she needs more than what you need? Perhaps the most common cause of a woman’s rejection is just plain tiredness. Ask yourself, “Is my wife exhausted and in need of my help instead of my indulging my own desire to have my physical needs met?”

I never cease to marvel at how much more energy my husband has than I. He sleeps about an hour or two less most days. At that rate (if we live to 70), I’d have to live eight years longer than he lives just to be awake as many hours. (I wonder if that has anything to do with why women typically live longer!) Did you know the average man’s hemoglobin count is about fourteen…two points higher than the average woman’s? Unfortunately, a woman can’t just take iron pills to put more “iron” in her blood, because her blood won’t assimilate it beyond her genetically determined point.

Men, by the biological giftedness of God, tend to be stronger and have more energy. I have no trouble believing that women are indeed weaker than men, and I am glad for I Peter 3:7 which teaches, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them (wives) according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” If a man sees that his wife is exhausted, the loving thing to do is help her with her work, not add to her load!

Wives, on the other hand, need to understand that their husbands have tremendous physical needs that are the wife’s responsibility and privilege to meet. Yes, of course you’re tired at the end of the day. And yes, you probably aren’t as driven for sex as your husband is (if you’re more in the middle of the bell-shaped curve). Wives generally are more driven emotionally and experience the lion’s share of appetite for emotional intimacy, but husbands typically possess the lion’s share of physical drive. Just as women normally don’t need as much food as their husbands require, neither do they crave as much physical intimacy and release.

If I ate as much as my husband did, I’d be fat in no time, and yet there are plenty of times that I’ll fix him a snack and sip a cup of tea while he eats just to keep him company. As women, we need to be willing to be do the same thing for our husbands sexually. Even if we aren’t “hungry” for love, can’t we at least minister to our husbands’ needs by accepting their love?

My theory is that if “I ain’t dead yet” then I can be a conduit of God’s love by accepting my husband’s love. Sound right? This, I believe, is the sensitively worded meaning of I Corinthians 7:2-5. “…The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other…”

Rise Up, My Love (223): What’s the Distinction Between Liquor and Wine?

fresh-rolls-7-27-07Song of Solomon 7:2 The second question—what is the significance of “liquor” rather than wine, and “heap of wheat” rather than bread?—is harder to answer, but here are some thoughts. The word rendered “liquor” is the Hebrew mezeg and is only used this once in the Old Testament, although most Biblical scholars believe it is related to masak which is used eight times and refers to wine that has been mixed with something else…either diluted by adding water or strengthened by adding honey and spices (Carr, Lloyd. The Song of Solomon: An Introduction and Commentary, pp. 157-8). According to John MacArthur, wine was diluted with water both for the Passover meal and for special events such as weddings (see notes on Mark 14:18, Luke 22:17 and John 2:2, MacArthur, John. The MacArthur Study Bible, pp. 1494, 1559, 1578). The meaning of “heap of wheat” is clear enough…but a pile of grain isn’t quite as appealing as a freshly baked loaf of bread such as the priests laid on the altar or Christians enjoy at the communion table.

The liquor was something more or less than wine; the heap of wheat was something less than bread…something with potential but unfinished. Could it be that the Lord takes whatever we have…whether it’s “more” or “less” and feasts upon it? Could it be that he takes our “liquor,” and if it’s diluted, he distills it; if it’s laced with additives, he purifies it? (That’s a sincere question; I don’t know the answer, but I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts. Consider Mark 15:23; when Jesus was crucified, he refused to take the wine mixed with myrrh. See also Psalm 69:2.)

Or, perhaps the liquor is enhanced with good things, like honey and spice—a special anointing by the Spirit with sweetness and flavor—“sugar and spice, and everything nice.” That is what girls are supposed to be made of, isn’t it? Perhaps to our Lord, the wine of his bride is even sweeter than wine, because each individual’s cup of wine is mixed with the unique qualities and gifts the Lord has given that person.

And the heap of wheat? What a fitting description of the soul with his heart on the altar! Winnowed—the chaff blown away by the winds—, heaped together, and decked with flowers. What a beautiful thought—that we are like a grain offering— our lives laid on the altar, open, available, and waiting for the Lord to make us into whatever he chooses.

Wheat must be ground into powder, combined with other ingredients, doused with liquid, beaten and kneaded, poured out, punched down, allowed to rise again, and fired in a hot oven before it’s ready to be enjoyed. But, the Lord will do all that. He will choose how fine to grind our lives, what trials to add, how long to buffet, how long to abase, how long to abound…how long to bake in the heat of life’s trials. He will direct all that, and he will feast on us…now as a grain offering…and someday as a finished “loaf” when we’re complete in him on heaven’s celestial shores.

Think of wisdom’s invitation to the simple from Proverbs 9:5-6, “Come, eat of my bread, and drink of the wine which I have mingled. Forsake the foolish, and live; and go in the way of understanding.” Think of the invitation from Isaiah 55 to buy wine without money and to feast freely on the bread of goodness. Isn’t this the invitation Christ offers us? Can we not give him the offering of our body—as imperfect and unfinished as its “mingled wine and wheat” are—to be made into a love feast for him?

Think of our Lord in the garden. There he accepted the cup of agony that we could not bear for ourselves. See him on the cross…the taste of vinegar and gall…the crushing load of not only his own body but the weight of the world’s sin…the death of separation from God while he bore our sin…his body wracked with pain and his soul wracked with sorrow. This was the bitter cup he drank from the hand of God to save us from our sins and win a bride for himself. See him risen from the grave and glowing with his resurrection body.

Picture yourself as part of the body of Christ…his bride, the church. Visualize offering your own body as a living sacrifice…and understand that spiritually your navel is as a “goblet that wanteth not liquor,” and your belly is a “heap of wheat set about with lilies.” Imagine Jesus, who drank the cup of God’s wrath and sorrow for you, drinking from the goblet of your love, filled with the “liquor” of his Spirit, and feasting on the rich grains of wheat laid out in a heap before him. Doesn’t that thrill your soul? Oh, that he might be pleased to drink from our cup and feast on the wheat we’ve garnered from the fields that are “white already to harvest.” Oh, that he might be pleased with our sacrifice and find the taste sweet and pure. Oh, that we might refresh the heart of our Lord with our lives lived as a living sacrifice!

In the Spirit of the Ides of February

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.” Maureen Churabrutus-and-the-ghost-of-caesar-public-domain-wikiMost people know about the Ides of March, March 15, which was made infamous by the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44 BC and continued in infamy by Shakespeare’s famous play, Julius Caesar, written some 1643 years later.

©Photo. R.M.N. / R.-G. OjŽda

However, did you know that February 15 also has special significance historically? February 15 was the date of an ancient ritual of purification, particularly washing with water, to purify people and their city from any evil spirits, which would allow the blessings of health and fertility to flourish as the citizens prepared for spring. februar_leandro_bassano-public-domainI don’t know about you, but I find all the dissension in America deeply disturbing, and I’m wondering if we might honor today as a day of personal purification coupled with earnest prayers for the healing of ourselves and our nation. It’s so easy to be critical of others…to make ourselves and our own values  into a gold standard for the way things should be. Can we instead humble ourselves and ask God to purify our hearts and straighten our thinking, so that we can see clearly and become a positive influence for good instead of adding to the cacophony of discord? There’s an old saying that “Charity starts at home,” and I think it’s just as true that “Purity starts with me.” Are we casting stones because we’re perfect and angry, or are we throwing mud because we’re frustrated that life is unfair and things aren’t going the way we think they should? Instead of adding to the problem, let’s pray that God will make us part of the solution by purifying our hearts and the hearts of our people. We can’t change others, but by God’s grace we can change ourselves. Then, I do believe God himself will rise up and move to work all things together for good…something no amount of fighting and anger will accomplish.mourning_mingrelians_pranishnikoff_1884“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.” (James 4:7-9)

Thoughts on Love for Valentine’s Day

“The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.” Blaise Pascalroses-and-liliesReady for some beautiful thoughts on love? Or, like Joseph Fink, do you think: “Valentine’s Day is a disaster. Any day that is designed to perfectly encapsulate something as messy and personal as two people in a romantic relationship would have to be.” Well, whether the quotes I’ve found strike you as funny, true, or overly idealistic, I was touched by all of them, and I hope that—whether or not you’re in a romantic relationship with someone today—these thoughts will cheer your spirit. Because, in all of them I found a kernel of truth that also expresses the way I experience God’s love. His love for us is greater than any human love, and the power of His love is the greatest positive energy for transformation in the universe!

“I know of only one duty, and that is to love.” Albert Camus

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” A.A. Milne

“No matter how much time and space may come between us, I still feel you.” Ken Poirot

“Love is an afternoon of fishing when I’d sooner be at the ballet.
Love is eating burnt toast and lumpy gravy with a big smile.
Love is hearing the words ‘You’re beautiful’ as I fail to squeeze into my fat jeans.
Love is refusing to bring up the past, even if doing so would be a slam dunk to prove your point.
Love is your hand wiping away my tears, trying to erase streaks of mascara.
Love is the warm hug that extinguishes an argument.
Love is a humbly-uttered apology, even if not at fault.
Love is easy to recognize but so hard to define; however, I think it boils down to this…
Love is caring so much about the feelings of someone else, you sacrifice whatever it takes to help him or her feel better.
In other words, love is my heart being sensitive to yours.” Richelle E. Goodrich

“Where there is great love, there are always wishes.” Willa Cather (and for some of us, wishes turned to prayers)

“They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything.” Bill Keane

“We’re most alive when we’re in love.” John Updike

“Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.” Lord Byron

“When you love someone all your saved up wishes start coming out.” Elizabeth Bowan

“Love is the ultimate no-calorie sweetener.” Richelle E. Goodrich

“Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move.
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.” William Shakespeare (…and God!)

“So fall asleep love, loved by me…for I know love, I am loved by thee.” Robert Browning

“For ye will know not love, if ye knoweth not your God.” Henrietta Newton Martin

“In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.”
1 John 4:9-11 pink-tipped-rose-africa-copy


Deep in the Heart of Kauai

mountains-in-kauaiDeep within Kauai’s mountainous heartland lies Mt. Wai’ale’ale,
which means “rippling water.” mt-waialeale-waterfallsWith an elevation of 5,148 ft. and an average of 452+ inches of rain every year, mt-waialeale-wettest-spot-on-earthMt. Wai’ale’ale’s summit is considered one of the rainiest spots on earth, mt-waialeale-waterfalls-kauai-aerial-viewand its “Wall of Tears” is filled with waterfalls gushing-waterfalls-kauaistreaming down its face. green-mountain-slopes-kauaiFrom a distance you can’t see the waterfalls. secret-manawaiopuna-falls-on-kauaiYou have to come closer and look carefully. manawaiopuna-falls-jurassic-park-waterfall-kauaiThis area is so wild and remote that it was used in filming Jurassic Parkrugged-mountain-peaks-in-kauaiMy husband didn’t want to go on the helicopter ride lush-foliage-in-kauais-interior-hawaiibecause sudden drops narrow-valley-on-kauai-blue-hawaiian-helicopter-rideand sharp turns in narrow spaces make him motion sick, waterfalls-in-the-interior-of-kauaibut I was totally enthralled the entire time. na-pali-coast-from-the-air-kauaiI’ll always remember my wondrous flight into the heart of Kauai, rugged-valleys-in-kauai-helicopter-tourand how much it made me think of flying into the heart of God. jagged-mountains-along-na-pali-coast-kauaiGod’s heart is deep, rugged, and privately owned, just like Kauai’s mountains. na-pali-coast-kauai-blue-hawaiian-helicopter-rideHis heart is inaccessible except by permission of the Holy Spirit,
who is able to guide us in. mt-waialeale-waterfalls-kauaiWithin God’s heart is a “Wall of Tears”
weeping for mankind to choose to love Him. spectacular-waterfalls-in-kauaiDo you realize that God’s ultimate sacrifice of love is in allowing us
to choose good or evil, to reject Him or love Him…
and then loving us so much that He sent His Son to redeem us?mt-waialeale-fallsIf God forced us to obey Him…forced Himself on us, He’d be a rapist, not a lover. waterfalls-in-kauaiDo you wonder why there’s sin in the world? Because we choose sin over God. secret-manawaiopuna-falls-on-kauai-2Still, God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to save us from sin
and transform us into children of light and love. blue-hawaiian-helicopterHave you allowed the Holy Spirit to transport you into the heart of God? manawaiopuna-falls-kauaiHave you marveled at his love and experienced drinking from His Living Water?rugged-mountains-along-na-pali-coast-hawaii In not, can I encourage you to come into His heart today?close-up-of-mt-waialeale-waterfalls-kauai-from-helicopter“What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all,
how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifies. (
Romans 8:31-33)na-pali-coast-on-way-to-hanalei-kauai

 

Larry Rivera and Elvis Presley: Choosing the Slow Life

aloha-begins-with-me-larry-rivera-and-alanWhile at the Mayo Clinic conference last week, we saved mega bucks
by eating at various hole-in-the wall restaurants in nearby Koloa alan-at-the-grand-hyatt-kauairather than venturing into the luxo locations on site at our resort. garden-island-grill-menu-kauaiAmong these, one of our favorites was the Garden Island Grill, ono-fresh-catch-of-the-day-at-garden-island-grille-kauaiwhere, between 6-8 pm on the weekends, Larry Rivera entertains his friends, larry-rivera-with-his-new-friend-alanfamily, and new friends (whoever happens to be passing through).

larry-riveraLarry is 86. The day we visited, he was celebrating his 60th anniversary with his lovely bride and says he’s still on his honeymoon! They have 6 kids, 17 grand kids, and 18 great grand kids. Furthermore, he can say all their names in 35 seconds (±). Want to hear his story?  larry-rivera-sings-at-the-garden-island-grilleLarry was born in 1931, the sixth generation in a long line of Hawaiians born in Kauai. He started working at the Coco Palms Resort at 20, was called to serve in the Korean War, and by 24 (1955), he was back to work at the Coco Palms singing with his group called “The Beach Boys.” He says the ones we know today “stole” his band’s name and ended up with all the money and glory, but who cares? “I’ve got all this love!” he beamed, his arms sweeping the audience where his wife sat smiling and then flying out and up to embrace his island and the sky, where His Father sat smiling. (Rivera is an ordained minister as well as a musician.) larry-rivera-singing-with-a-friend-and-his-wife Larry’s long musical career included such highlights as teaching Bing Crosby how to sing (Hawaiian style), watching Frank Sinatra nearly drown on Wailua Beach (surfers rescued him), having John Denver join in a hula with his daughters while Larry sang, and having Elvis Presley and Patti Page sing background vocals for him while they were visiting at Coco Palms. (Actually, Larry said Elvis was an unusually sweet person. He would bus tables just to be kind if things got to hectic at the restaurant, and he paid $500 for one of Larry’s songs!) In 1961, the wedding scene from Blue Hawaii, starring Elvis Presley, was filmed at Coco Palms. Larry was 30, and Elvis was 26. Very sadly, Elvis Presley died just 16 years later at age 42 from “cardiac arrhythmia” (caused by an overdose of a pain killer, Codeine, and a nonbarbituate sedative, Quaalude). He was divorced by then and only had one child, Lisa Marie. He has four grandchildren (whom he never met), and no great grandchildren at this time.  kathi-at-the-garden-island-grille-kauaiI don’t know about you, but I would personally choose Larry Rivera’s life over Elvis’s any day. Larry has lived more than twice as long, is still fit at a fiddle (balanced on one leg and did other tricks for fun), working hard, living well, and full of love and joy. Alan and I were both totally delighted and inspired. If we make it to 86, we’ll have been married 64 years. (That’s 20 more years; think we’ll make it??) Would I ever love to be able to work a few hours singing and sharing the love of God and man with those around me at his age, wouldn’t you?  hawaiian-time-signHow did he do it? Well, for one thing, he chose the slow life. He chose to stay in his homeland among his own people. He chose to stay with his wife. He chose to remain faithful to His God. To me, those are admirable choices! What do you think? Would you rather have fame and fortune, or love and happiness?dinner-at-the-island-grille-kauai“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15).

(“Aloha” is used by Hawaiians as a greeting, both “hello” and “goodbye,” but ultimately it means “Love… affection, peace, compassion, and mercy!”)

 

 

Chasing Slow All The Way To Hawaii

chasing-slowErin Loechner is young. I am a senior citizen. Erin Loechner is a blogger with a fan base of over a million women. I have yet to have half a million people even view my blog and no “fan base” at all! Erin Loechner’s new book, Chasing Slow, just hit the market three weeks ago. I’ve never had a book hit the market! One thing we do have in common: She has no clue who I am, and I have no clue who she is…or at least that was true until I accepted the offer to read and review her book on my blog.

Chasing Slow arrived just before we left for Hawaii, and I chased slow all the way there and back, as the deadline is today! Do I recommend her book? Yes, for these people:

*Women who feel a lion roaring inside them or are feeling dizzy on their merry-go-round. (If this makes sense to you…you’re in.)

*Women who own a Millennial, love a Millennial, or would like to understand the pressures on this now largest living generation, born sometime between 1980 until 2000 or so. Millennials are a cohort of 75± million precious souls who are the major target of massive marketing efforts. They live in a world of cyber connection, averaging 250 friends on Facebook and a median of 50 phone texts per day. They tweet, instagram, pin, blog, linkin and are expected to measure their self worth on the yardstick of what the world-wide web deems perfection.

There’s the reason the “web” is called the “web.” It’s sticky and few escape. Erin found herself trapped in the vortex and has been trying to find her way out.

But it seemed impossibly hard, because she kept feeding the lion, and he was never satisfied. Feeding the lion? I grew up eating the Word and brushed my cut my teeth on 1 Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” Don’t feed the lion, resist the lion, and cast all your cares on God, who will care for you and deliver you from the lion (1 Peter 5:7-9; 2 Timothy 4:17). Sounds simple, but I know it’s hard. Nevertheless, it’s impossible to keep the lion fed. Both sooner and later he’ll just keep devouring you.

Feeling dizzy or empty? “Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth” (Psalm 46:10). That works better than yoga, brambleberry lip stain, or a double chocolate latte with whipped cream. Seeking fame and fortune—which comes standard on most Millennials—isn’t the endgame of life. Love and connection with God, family and friends is. Erin’s struggle to figure that out will inspire you if you’re a Millennial and probably distress you if you’ve stayed out of the fast lane, but she’s a very entertaining, openhearted writer, and she salts her mismatched analogies with lots of pepper, so if you can keep from crying you’ll be laughing as you read along her wild ride Chasing Slow.

(P.S.—Tomorrow I want to tell you about a Hawaiian we met last week named Larry Rivera. He played with Elvis Presley back in the day but passed him forty years ago by chasing slow!)

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
(1 Corinthians 10:31, ESV)