InTents Training for Young Women Who are Disciples of Jesus

One of my favorite personal ministries is “InTents,” an intimate, 9-day long experience of intensive training in discipleship.

I’d call it Ann Bjorlie’s brain child, except I believe it’s really a beautiful vision inspired by the Holy Spirit.

As the mother of nine children who are now grown, Ann has the time and room to take young women into her home for spiritual fellowship and teaching each spring.

Over the course of one week and two weekends, Ann and a team of dedicated older women delve into five areas of study especially designed to prepare young women for their adult lives and ministries within the Church.

The teaching is completely from the scripture and intentionally non-denominational, so if you’re a young woman (16-22±) and a follower of Jesus from any branch of the Christian Church, you are wanted and welcome. (Or, if you’re a mother or grandmother, please consider whether you have children or grandchildren in that age group who might want to come.) There are morning and afternoon teaching and hands-on training sessions, and in the evenings there are bonfires, fireside chats, games, and time for quiet times alone with the Lord as well as times to enjoy the other young women. To me, it’s somewhere between a girls’ camp and a retreat.

Girls working on a Spiritual Gifts Questionnaire

I’ve been involved for a number of years teaching on the gifts and work of the Holy Spirit, although this year I have two families and a friend visiting in our home during the InTents week so won’t be able to participate with the team. 😦 However, I think it’s a wonderful ministry and really encourage anyone who might want to come to apply.

It’s usually a small group of between 8-15 ladies, and although they’re primarily from Southwest Michigan, we’ve had girls come from as far away as Canada and Utah, so don’t let distance stop you! I know most young women in this age group need to get summer jobs, but it’s really just one week and two weekends at the beginning of summer, so hopefully the timing will work for you. When I was that age, I always spent my summer working as a waitress, but my boss would let me off one week so I could work as a life guard at Lake Ann Bible Camp up north. Perhaps you could ask your boss if you could take just one week off for this very special week of training.

If you can believe this, Ann only charges $50 per person for the entire nine days, which doesn’t even cover the cost of food. (Oh, she serves 3 meals every day for the kids too!) Ann used to offer it totally free of charge and covered the expenses herself (with the help of her dear husband), but she found that sometimes girls would sign up but not attend. Since she’s started charging $50, she hasn’t had any problems with the girls forgetting to show up! However, if you’d love to come but don’t have the $50, just let her know, as there are some scholarships available.

The deadline for signing up is May 1, which is just a few days away. If you’re interested but need more information, you can also leave a message in the comment box below or send me an email at kathrynwarmstrong@gmail.com and I can answer questions or help connect you.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age” (Titus 2:11-12).

Starting Out the New Year: The Clean Plate Club

Did you make any New Year’s resolutions? How’s it going? As part of my perennial quest for growth (but not in girth), I annually resolve to “Eat less and enjoy it more!” This advice was gleaned from my aged father’s physician years ago. It made us all laugh, but I’ve tried (and often failed) to heed this sage advice over the past 20 years! One of the problems is, as we age, we actually need to eat less simply to maintain our current weight, and to lose weight requires much more than casual attention to resisting gluttony. 😦

The second half of the maxim—”enjoy it more!”—is rarely an issue for us until we’re so old and feeble that lifting a butter knife becomes a burden (as it did for my pastor’s elderly mother years ago). While discussing the need for weight loss with a friend who looks matronly like me, she lamented, “The problem is, I just like to eat!” Ya, me too! Sadly—or happily—I’m right there with her! By the time we’re 70+ it’s a privilege to be healthy enough to enjoy eating! No allergies? No restrictions? Food tastes great? Must mean we’re healthy and our taste buds haven’t retired yet!

It’s a gift to be able to eat and enjoy eating . . . and to have food to eat! “Enjoy it more!” is a good thing: “I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God” (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13, NKJV). Thank you, Father, for the gift of daily bread . . . often served with other good things! Pausing to be thankful is one easy way to “enjoy it more.”

But, what about the first half of the maxim: “Eat less!”? I’ve read that around the world, one in nine people goes to bed hungry every night, and approximately every 3-4 seconds someone dies from starvation. It’s estimated that if we could recover and distribute properly even half the food that’s wasted globally, we could end starvation. What can I do to help myself lose weight while also having a positive impact on world hunger?

The first step is doubtless to stop wasting food. While visiting in Germany last fall, one of my delights was watching “Grosspapa”(our grand daughters’ German grandfather) teach us all how to “Eat less and enjoy it more” by cleaning our plates with a fork or spoon soooo well that it hardly looks like it needs to be washed! Grosspapa was born during World War 2, so he understands the “Waste not, want not” principle.

Even now that we’re back home in America, Alan and I are more careful to make sure we’re part of the clean plate club! 🙂 I’m trying to take less than I think I need, but then, rather than helping myself to seconds, I carefully clean my plate and see if I can’t be satisfied with less. Often simply taking time to slow down and savor the last bites gives my stomach time to relay to my brain that I’m full enough. It’s a good trick!

Of course, it’s never right to do wrong in order to get a chance to do right, which precludes eating after I’m full so nothing goes to waste. I’ve heard it said, “Better to go to waste than to your waist.” True enough! Or, as Alan once quipped, “Little snacks make bigger slacks.” Too true! 😦

If I’ve overfilled my plate and get full, another strategy for not wasting food is to be intentional and creative about conserving leftovers. Rather than scraping that last half cup of green beans into the garbage or feeding it to the dog, I’m storing leftovers in small containers to reheat or freeze for later. For anyone who has an elderly neighbor, sharing a little might go a long way!

One of my elderly friends remembered sailing into New York harbor after World War 2 and being astounded at the garbage hauled out to sea on a barge . . . tons of food he knew starving people in Europe would have loved. I had a pastor who used to minister throughout Africa and was inspired by people there who could use a knife and fork to carve every bit of meat, skin, and cartilage from a chicken wing. Not one speck of meat was wasted. Can we impact world hunger by being personally careful?

Eating less takes constant attention and discipline, so I’m always wondering how to make my “Eat less” appeal more. One way is by experiencing a tangible connection between my eating less with somebody else being able to eat more . . . in order to survive. This can be done through giving to charities that will be faithful in using the funds to help those in desperate need.

We have friends who served many years with a trustworthy Christian ministry called “Food for the Hungry,” but there are many excellent options out there. We have a food pantry affiliated with our church, and I think that’s probably true of many churches. We also have several “rescue missions” in GR which provide food and shelter. Many cities in America have similar missions, and most of them are always in need of both money and helping hands. Most retired folks have some discretionary time. When we’re short on cash, we can still offer our time, and volunteering to help others is a great way to become aware of needs—and help meet them!

Anyway, it’s the beginning of a new year, and I am again resolving to “Eat less and enjoy it more!” both because I need to lose weight and because my heart is to help those who don’t have enough.

“I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God” (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13).

“He who has mercy on the poor, happy is he” (Proverbs 14:21).

P.S.—It’s not too late to sign up for Aqueduct Project’s class on prayer, which starts tonight! I’m still hosting company at our home but sincerely hope to see you there at 7:00 pm!

https://www.aqueductproject.org/prayer-certificate

Compassion is No Match for Convenience—By Jane Anderson

The phone rings and I hesitate as caller ID flashes into view. I don’t have to press “Answer.” I already know the question.

My eyes wander back to the screen where the half-written email waits patiently for the return of my attention. I reach for the phone. “This isn’t a convenient time,” I think. “Say, no. You have to say no.”

There’s a laundry hamper brimming with activewear – after all, we are busy people. And our fridge is stocked well for a feast, as long as it’s made completely of condiments. I desperately need to go shopping. The dentist appointment tomorrow and the hair appointment the day after that.

The phone has now rung twice.

Oh, shoot! I promised to babysit all day Thursday. And when will I find time to write get-well cards? My thoughts are like springs, bouncing from cell to cell, gathering reason.

The phone has now rung three times.

The freelance editing job I promised to complete lies on my desk, thesaurus and grammar guide wide open, purple ink pen at the ready. This job I prayed for, and now time escapes as though the Earth has cracked and minutes are slipping through.

The request just inside the ringing phone is not convenient. But I answer.

The voice on the other side is weak and tearful. “I’m having a hard day,” she says. “Would you be able to take me to lunch soon?” I think, but then do not say, what I’m thinking. I already know the right answer.

“Could I take you to lunch tomorrow? I can pick you up right after my dentist appointment.” Doing the next right thing colors outside the lines of convenience. 

Retirement has turned the virtues of a non-scheduled life into a teeter-totter of chaotic commitments. The things that are convenient rarely align with those of highest value. 

Instead of clambering to meet a deadline, I took my friend to lunch, and afterward we took a long, quiet drive over miles of country roads, revisiting the area where she once lived, married, and raised her children for over 90 years.

Love isn’t a matter of convenience; it’s a matter of compassion.

“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.”
Psalm 145:8

(Jane Anderson is not only a BFF, she’s a gifted writer and one of my favorite guest posters! But, by the way, I’m guessing most of you have at least one story to share! If you do, please send it to me, along with your name, a photo of you if possible, and a couple of lines of bio. As the focus of this blog is to uplift and encourage, I’m always on the lookout for true stories about how God works in our lives to bring out the best and orchestrate good overcoming ill. If you have a photo and verse to illustrate and tie everything together, that would be great, but if not, I can provide photos and verses. You can reach me at kathrynwarmstrong@gmail.com. Also, April is National Poetry Writers Month, so I’ll be looking for poems too. Thanks, and God bless you!)

Possible Help for D.I.D.

If you or someone you love suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.), you may find this testimony from one of my blog followers helpful:

My wife and I have been married for 33 ½ years. We both grew up in conservative Christian homes. We both went to Bible college where we became best friends and married before we graduated with our respective degrees. A few years after our wedding, we welcomed our son into our lives. When he became of age, we began to homeschool him together as a family. We spent the next 13 years pouring ourselves as a family into his education and Christian training, and today he is finishing his PhD at one of the respected universities of New England.

Portrait of Vivé, a young man afflicted with D.I.D.
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Viv%C3%A9.jpg

But the last year of his high-school education, my wife’s childhood abuse exploded into our family. Money was always tight for us, and as we had successfully navigated our son’s homeschooling, we kind of took the same approach with all the things that her trauma and dissociation brought into our marriage and family. We rallied as a family, our son included, to help my wife heal.

The first 5 years of the healing journey were overwhelmingly hard and chaotic because we had 5 other “girls” (alter-ego personalities) join our family. We were assaulted by my wife’s emotional hurricanes from all kinds of dissociative issues like panic attacks, comatose episodes, extreme anxiety, mild self-injury, mini-seizures, flashbacks, and anything else you can imagine when someone is suffering through an extreme form of PTSD. But, I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the only woman I have ever said “I love you” to or have been with. We say that we “grew up” together because I was barely 21 and she 22 when we got married. And, I believe that my marriage vows still mean something.

And thus, as we slowly made it through those first 5 years, we began to develop a rhythm, and I learned how to listen deeply to her and her needs and how to best meet them. Later as I began to study the expert literature available, I learned that our method actually had a name: Attachment Theory. It was first developed by John Bowlby. I studied more in more depth what he postulated, and I became much more purposeful about executing some of the key concepts he wrote about as I tried to help my wife heal. I embraced the concepts like the role of the primary attachment figure, proximity maintenance, safe haven, affect regulation, and even the role of the inner working model in eradicating the long-term effects of the trauma and dissociation. And slowly I helped her move from a trauma paradigm to a securely attached, healthier one.

I have kept a blog for over 10 years of the healing journey my wife and I have been on and the manner and methods that we have employed to help her healing process. It’s not Christian per se, and yet I would argue that everything I do is based upon the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12) to love my wife as I would want to be loved and that we husbands are called to sacrifice and give up ourselves for our wives like Christ did the church (Ephesians 5:25).

But there is one other verse that guided me especially in the darkest of times when we were first beginning this journey and when I realized that my wife’s D.I.D. (dissociative identity disorder) is considered by many therapists to be the most complex and difficult mental health issue that someone can suffer from. Many therapists refuse even to see such people because of the complexity (to which I can attest). But I have been struck by Genesis 1:28, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” I believe this means God has equipped me to help ‘subdue’ even the deep trauma and dissociation that has afflicted my wife. And, we have seen some amazing healing and restoration in ways many of the experts do not believe possible.

So, I want to thank Kathi for the chance to share just a little bit about who we are and our amazing healing journey together as a couple and family. If you have any interest, I have provided a link to my blog, which is subtitled “A Significant Other’s Perspective on Dissociative Identity Disorder.” This is also the page where you can download a 30-page booklet I wrote last year as a synopsis of the most important lessons I’ve learned so far on this journey to become a good healing companion for my wife. I understand that D.I.D. doesn’t affect many people, but trauma and dissociation affect all of us to varying degrees. Dissociation is simply how our brains deal with extreme pain and fear until someone trusted can help us deal with them and integrate them into our life story. And so that booklet is a highlight of the lessons I have learned as I attempted to broaden the applicability of those lessons to what we all face when a loved one experiences severe forms of mental distress caused by past trauma.

Thank you and I wish all of you well on the journey to which you have been called.
Sam Ruck
https://samruck2.wordpress.com/2021/09/14/downloads/

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

Name That Man

Have you heard this heart-warming story? A poor, Jewish family named Karnoffsky, who immigrated from Lithuania to the United States, took pity on a 7-year-old boy and brought him into their home, where for the first time in his life he was treated with kindness and tenderness. From the very first night he spent with them, when it was time to go to sleep Mrs. Karnoffsky sang him Russian lullabies, and he would sing along with her. Over time, he learned to sing and play several Russian and Jewish songs.

Although the little boy dropped out of school at age eleven and went back home to live with his mother (who had previously abandoned him), Mr. Karnoffsky gave this talented youngster an advance to buy his first musical instrument from a pawn shop. Later, when the boy grew up and became a professional musician and composer, he used some of the Jewish tunes he’d learned from the Karnoffskys in compositions such as “St. James’s Hospital” and “Go Down Moses.” As an adult, he wrote a book about the Jewish family who adopted him in 1907. He was proud of his ability to speak Yiddish fluently. In memory of this family and until the end of his life, he wore the Star of David and said that in this family he learned “how to live—real life and determination.”

This little boy’s name was Louis Armstrong.

“Cast your bread upon the waters, For you will find it after many days.”
(Ecclesiastes 11:1, NKJV)

TWA (37): Tampa Bay Gridlock

If you’re ever in Orlando and a friend invites you to lunch in Tampa, think twice before you say yes! Our slowest record yet was the day I tried going with my sibs from Orlando to Tampa for lunch on a Friday. Three hours over, two hours to find a place to park and eat, and five hours back. All this for a distance of only 85 miles each way. Definitely the pits!

This trip was no better! We left Orlando heading toward Tampa on a Sunday afternoon, imagining the traffic wouldn’t be too horrendous. Wrong! Apparently all 2 million plus residents in the greater Orlando metro area either go to or return from the crystal waters of Florida’s west coast on Sunday afternoons.

However, we’d made a reservation for Oscar Sherer State Park, just south of Sarasota on the famous Tamiami Trail, and the GPS was resolute that we must needs go through this traffic gauntlet to arrive at our desired haven of RV rest. So, we did. Traffic appeared to be backed up for miles. One of the best features of an RV is having a bathroom on the premises, and when your highway has turned into a parking lot, both you and your traveling buddy can access the WC at the back of the bus whenever needed (since you have about two minutes to change drivers every few seconds).

As I whiled away the hours, I had lots of leisure to flip through my mental rolodex on “worst traffic jams ever.” Without a doubt, the top entry was the day Alan and I tried to get to Lido di Jesolo near Venice, Italy. It was another horribly hot day, and we were traveling with our two youngest—at that time young men of late teen/early twenty vintage. We decided the obvious thing to do was hit a beach for the afternoon, and the area’s Numero Uno Beach was Jesolo . . . only 46 km from our motel with an estimated driving time of under an hour. Easy peasy, right? Wrong! Traffic was backed up for miles, and after over two hours of waiting in a seemingly endless line of cars all attempting to pass the gatehouse to the beach, we decided to bail. Actually, even bailing out was difficult, because the line of other cars with similar sentiments was almost as jammed as the line of hangry holidayers determined to persevere.

I’ll bet you have your own horror memories related to gridlocked traffic. No fun, is it? Especially if:
A. You need a restroom
B. You’re running low on gas
C. Your car overheats
D. Your air-conditioner goes out
E. You were supposed to be somewhere two hours prior
F. All of the above

It was another occasion when I was driving and failed to document the drama. Or, the lack of drama. Traffic jams are such a colossal waste of time, aren’t they?

However, that day, after over an hour, we finally inched our way up a small rise and could see from a curve far into the distance red lights blinking. It occurred to me that although I had been slowed down, somebody else had been totally stopped. This accident wasn’t about me; it was about them. Somewhere up ahead there was a car where someone or multiple people probably had been brutally (if not fatally) injured. Here I was, sitting comfortably in my car, grousing to myself about being inconvenienced while people ahead of me were fighting for their lives.

I am so spoiled! I stopped to pray, expressing my shame and repenting of my selfishness. I asked the Lord to provide merciful, effective care for those involved in the accident. I asked Jesus to touch their spirits and heal their hearts. I asked the Holy Spirit to help me recognize the needs of those ahead of me who are injured and suffering. I asked God to forgive me for being impatient and selfish.

“Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah” (Psalm 61:1-4).

A Call to Unity

President Biden’s speech—at least to me—seemed like an appeal for unity in America. Bitter as the battle was, as citizens we do affirm the words in our pledge of allegiance that we are “one Nation under God.” If we want our nation to survive, then I think Aesop’s ancient words are still apropos: “United we stand, divided we fall.”

Do you want our country to survive, or would you prefer we self-destruct? Abraham Lincoln warned, “If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.” I don’t want our country to die by suicide, do you? I love living in a country where I am still privileged to worship God and live by biblical principles without losing my life, which is not true in many countries around the world.

If we want our nation to survive, we are going to need to become unified again concerning our national goals, because unity starts with having the same goals and sense of purpose. My family was TOTALLY divided over whom they wanted to be our next president, but we all agreed on what we want for our country, which is a secure nation where we can pursue life, liberty, and happiness without oppressing others, either at home or abroad. Our goals are very similar; our ideas on how best to get there are not. Sound familiar?

What are your goals for America? If your goals are also similar, then what can we do as a people to put aside our differences and start working together to achieve a nation where there is harmony over purpose amidst diversity over strategies?

Some thirty-five to forty million people think the election was rigged and many boycotted the inauguration by turning off their TVs in silent protest. If you were among them, may I offer this advice: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle” (Sun Tzu, The Art of War).

How will you know how to pray or what you can do to influence politics if you refuse to listen to our president? Regardless of how it happened, it has become a fact. President Biden is our forty-sixth president. If we are unwilling to forgive and put aside our grievances . . . if we fail to start thinking about how to correct the problems and improve our nation, then we as individuals will self-destruct! God warns us: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:30-32).

Many years ago, we went to a little country church that celebrated fall with a big festival. One October they sponsored a hayride with enough participants to fill two huge hay wagons, each carrying about 30 people. Within minutes, friendly hay was flying everywhere in our wagon . . . until we came within firing range of the other hay wagon. Instinctively, we all stopped fighting each other and started pelting our friends on the other wagon. Are we going to have to have a world war to make us stop squabbling with each other? Oh Lord, please not!! Help us rather to surrender our hearts to you. Help us put aside our pride and anger. Replace it with humility and love. Help us to follow the teachings of Jesus from Matthew 5 (ESV):

Retaliation

³⁸ “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ ³⁹ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. ⁴⁰ And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. ⁴¹ And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. ⁴² Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.“

Love Your Enemies

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶ For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ⁴⁸ You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.“

Twelve Steps to Help Overcome Domestic Violence

It will be just one year since the first Coronavirus case was diagnosed in America (January 19, 2020), and I’d like all of us to sit down and contemplate how seriously having our society shutdown and disrupted for a year has effected the overall emotional health and stability of our people . . . of each of us! It hasn’t been too hard for Alan and me: We have a stable income (at the moment); our home is paid for, we have food to eat and live in an area where we can go outside for a walk without a mask on. Our children are grown, and we’re in pretty good health. However, even with every reason to be content, we feel the angst and damper that comes from living under the COVID cloud.

Take away the freedoms and securities we enjoy, and add the incredible challenges related to financial insecurity, rearing kids (which is always a big stressor even in the best of times), homeschooling unexpectedly, cramped quarters, loss of the positive influence and support from friends and family, chronic isolation . . . and on and on . . . and what have you got? Frayed nerve-endings exposed on raw emotional flesh and souls seething like bottled volcanoes ready to explode.

There’s no excuse for violence, even when we’re angry and feel abused, but because we’re “just” frail human beings, it happens. I’m not here to condone abuse or condemn violence, but I’m wondering if we can take a break long enough to sit down with our loved ones and compassionately discuss what’s wrong and what we can do to mend the rips in the fabric of our homes and families.

Every situation is going to be different, but I would like to suggest a few universal principles from the Bible on how to handle fractured relationships:

1. Start by praying for God to heal, acknowledging that we don’t have the resources within ourselves to repair all the damages.
   * “He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).
   * It is God “Who forgives all your iniquities; who heals all your diseases” (Psalm 103:3).
2. Remind yourself and your loved ones that these are unprecedented times and extremely trying for everybody concerned. God is full of compassion and mercy and wants us to respond similarly.
   * “The Lord is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy” (Psalm 145:8).
   * “For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust” (Psalm 103:14).
   * “But he, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not: yea, many a time turned he his anger away, and did not stir up all his wrath” (Psalm 78:38).
3. Calmly assess the damage; listen to all parties concerned and encourage them to express how they feel. Let them talk out their pain and frustrations without disagreeing or censuring them. Resist the urge to tell them they’re wrong or have misunderstood you (or others). Be patient with one another. “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will” (2 Timothy 2:24-26).
4. If you are leading the effort to forgive and reconcile, please don’t fall into the trap of thinking you are “above” your children or others. Instead, lead by being the first to acknowledge your sins and failures. If everybody thinks they’re “right” and everybody else is “wrong,” then as a family (or couple, or group), immediately set aside some designated time for each of you to get alone with God and ask Him to show each of you where you’ve failed. Let’s face it, we all fail! If we don’t fail in word or deed, then we usually fail by being “proud” of our self-control. Let God examine your heart and help you to see yourself as your loved ones see you. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:22-24).
5. If you haven’t already done so: Acknowledge your sins and failures. And then, go a step further. Ask your loved one/s to forgive you. If they refuse, ask them if they’d at least be willing to commit to praying and asking God to give them the grace to forgive you. Frankly, I believe Toady’s line from The Wind in the Willows (quoting Alexander Pope) is exactly right: “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” Or, as the psalmist reminds us: “For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee” (Psalm 86:5). This is speaking of God, not of man—who by nature is unforgiving and vengeful. I’ll never forget the time one of our neighbors had a furnace stolen out of his garage. I said, “That must have made you so angry! Have you called the police yet?” He just stared intently: “I don’t mad; I get even.”
6. Ask others if they have insight into where they have failed and sinned, and if they’d be willing to ask for forgiveness. In the New Testament, Jesus teaches that repentance and faith are necessary for our salvation (not only eternally but also in our present lives), and he ties in our willingness to forgive others with our own forgiveness: “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). This isn’t negotiable; it’s a fact. (I believe Jesus is talking about our daily sins, not our eternal salvation, because Jesus already paid the complete price for all our sins—including our unwillingness to forgive others. We can be saved from hell but live a life separated from the fullness of God’s presence because we refuse to forgive those who’ve sinned against us.)
7. Brainstorm as a unit (couple, family, cohort) about what needs to change to relieve pressure and make living/working together in the future both possible and positive. If people are so distressed they feel hopeless, suggest a 24-hour hiatus (or some set number of hours, but not a prolonged period) to think about how to improve the situation. Remind your loved one/s that God longs for unity and love to prevail, but there is spiritual warfare going on, and Satan wants to separate and destroy you. What does each member “need” to survive? What would each member “like” to thrive? Write every suggestion down.
   * “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).
   * “I . . . beseech you that you walk worthy of the vocation wherewith you are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1-3).
8. Commit to staying together and praying together about how to change your living situation to make it more positive. If you’re the head of your family or organization, set aside time (daily if possible) to pray together as a unit, bringing the list of needs and wants to our dear heavenly Father, who loves us and wants us to thrive.
   * “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:5-6, ESV).
   * “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13, ESV).
9. Make an “Action Plan” (agreed steps to reach a livable situation) and commit to keeping it.
   *”If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord your God, and will do that which is right in his sight, and will give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the Lord that healeth thee” (Exodus 15:26, emphasis mine).
   * “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29).
10. Set a time (ideally weekly) to review your plans and access how you’re all doing in the area of reaching goals. Talk through issues. Keep troubleshooting. Keep trying. Be patient. Don’t give up. Keep forgiving.
11. Never give up. Don’t quit even if others seem to be. Visualize your family (or group) as a flock of geese trying to survive through severe winter storms to migrate south. If you stop, you or one of your loved ones will most likely die or be terribly injured. If you keep going, you’ll eventually make it to the promised land!! I remember at one of the lowest points in my marriage determining that even if I had to do 100% of everything in our home, I’d do it for the Lord’s sake because I knew He wanted me to be forever faithful to my calling as a wife. During World War 2 the Finns used to say, “Every Finn is a one-man army.” Be a one-man army! But, be a one-man (or woman) army led and upheld by Jesus Christ, the captain of our salvation, who was—incidentally—made perfect through suffering (Hebrews 2:10).
12. For extra inspiration, meditate on Romans 12:

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. ² Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. ³ For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. ⁴ For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. ⁶ Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; ⁷ if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; ⁸ the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.⁹ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. ¹⁰ Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹ Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. ¹² Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ¹³ Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. ¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. ¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸ If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ¹⁹ Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it^[i] to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰ To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Footwashing

Have you ever had someone wash your feet? If you have, I’d love to hear about it, and how you responded. I have a young friend who has a ministry for the wives of international students at Ohio State University. Cody* does all sorts of wonderful things with the women and their children to teach them about American culture, the English language, and Christianity. Every month they have a fun adventure, share a meal, and learn something about life in America. As a group, they picked apples and made pies in September. In October they shared stories of what life is like in their home countries, discussed childcare, and went on a hayride. Last week they learned about our American Thanksgiving.

Cody’s been doing this for about fifteen years and has discovered many experiences that are a great hit with the ladies, but she’s also always innovating. In the context of explaining Thanksgiving and expressing her gratitude to God for all His blessings in her life, Cody mentioned Jesus, and how he came to serve and save us. As part of sharing the teachings of Jesus, Cody washed the feet of one of her young ladies (who had volunteered).

How did the ladies respond? All were curious. Some seemed to feel awkward or a little taken aback. Some looked quizzical. Some furrowed their eyebrows, pondering the situation. The responses were much more varied than she had imagined, so she’s waiting awhile before deciding whether or not to include foot-washing next year.

The international students’ responses were probably much like those of the disciples during the very first foot washing. Peter didn’t want anything to do with having Jesus take on such a menial role. I’ve read that foot washing was common in those days of dusty roads and sandaled feet, but that washing the guests’ feet was the task of a servant. Today, it is an almost non-existent practice, at least in America. I’ve only participated twice in my life. The first time I went at the prompting of one of my high school students whose father pastored an Assembly of God church. Women washed women’s feet, and men washed men’s feet, but I didn’t know any of the women and felt a little awkward, although I appreciated the sentiment of caring for one another.

The second time was a surprise gift planned by one of the ladies for the three of us sharing quarters with her during a mission trip to Mexico. We had all become very close from working side by side building a mission school, praying, working at an abuse center, etc. It was sweltering hot, and by the end of each long day, we were all content to lie flat on our backs on the lumpy mattresses and try to relax. Ruth’s spontaneous act of kindness touched me almost to tears! It didn’t feel awkward at all; rather, there was a holy hush—like our Father looking down on us and smiling as we toiled to wash one another’s aching feet! So this is what Jesus meant!

Yesterday was my six-week post-surgery checkup, and the surgeon signed off on my case. I can now do whatever I want in the way of walking and exercise with very few (but still quite strict) exceptions. At this point, the only thing I’m still unable to do for myself is wash my feet and put on fresh socks, because I’m not supposed to bend my hip joint that far! Alan has been faithfully washing my feet and putting on compression socks for six weeks, and even though I don’t have to wear the compression stockings anymore, he may still be helping me with my feet for a little longer.

Christ Washing the Feet of the Disciples. Jacopo Tintoretto. Public Domain

How does that make me feel? Needy. Humbled. But also very loved. In the same way—but so much deeper—I am grateful to Jesus, who came to seek and to save that which was lost (including me). I am needy! I get my feet dirty. Even though the surgeon fixed my hip, I still can’t reach down and wash my own feet yet, and spiritually, I am in need of cleansing every day too. Just as Jesus took a basin of water and washed the disciples’ feet, so he washes our feet (our souls) if we’ll let him! Let’s not be like Peter, who at first resisted allowing Jesus to serve him. Let’s simply be grateful for Jesus’s cleansing love, and let’s reach out in love to help those around us who need their feet washed too!

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?”  Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean . . . If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” (John 13:3-10,14-15).

(*The name of the school and my friend have been altered, since this is a present-day, ongoing ministry.)

Wise Words Concerning our Election

My nephew posted such wise words on his FaceBook page this morning that I asked if I could share them with you. I think he’s right on!

“In a few hours (who are we kidding – could be a few weeks) approximately half of the country is going to believe that they have narrowly escaped certain doom, and the other half will believe that the end of the world is upon us. They’ll each also continue to believe that the other half is very wrong and very dangerous.

“And it doesn’t even depend on which candidate wins…Think about it.

“If you are reading this, no matter who you are, that means in some sense you are my neighbor (digital or otherwise). I’m glad you are my neighbor. I’m glad we get to share a tiny little bit of life together. And even if the world is really about to end, I’d still like to sit down over a cup of tea next to a campfire in the cool fall air and just listen to your thoughts and hurts and hopes and fears” (—Gene Parunak).

“Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matthew 12:36-40).

I hope and pray that after this election is over, we, the people, reach out in peace and go forward together in love. May America be “one nation under God” no matter who becomes our next President!