Every once in a while, I have friends who forward emails that make me laugh and brighten up my day. In honor of the snow beginning to fall here in Michigan (unseasonably early, I think! 😦 ), I thought you might enjoy a few laughs too!
And my personal favorite (because it’s so true, not because it’s so funny):
“Now the goal of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith” (1 Timothy 1:5, HCSB translation of our Bible).
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm.
Once you’re aboard, there’s nothing you can do” (Golda Meir).
Throughout the year, I collect a few choice jokes about aging,
because—in fact—I am definitely aging!! Last week we celebrated my 69th birthday, which is getting dangerously close to the big 7-0, and I think I’ll be on the visiting team on that scoreboard! 😦
Along with millions of my Baby Boomer age mates, I’m quickly passing from “getting older” to just plain being old! Yikes! Where has the time gone?
Losing hair may not be your problem, but if you’re over sixty, you might identify with something on this list:
Alan and I definitely complain of having “goldfish” brains
and depend on one another to double-check our thinking.
Along with the funny cartoons that keep us laughing lest we cry, I occasionally find some really valuable advice, and here are a few of my favorites:
“When granted many years of life, growing old in age is natural, but growing old with grace is a choice. Growing older with grace is possible for all who will set their hearts and minds on the Giver of grace, the Lord Jesus Christ” (—Billy Graham).
“Those that are planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be vigorous and flourishing to show that the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him” (Psalm 92:13-15, Jubilee Bible 2000).
1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s
2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage
3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through
4. AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do
5. EYEDROPPER Clumsy ophthalmologist
6. CONTROL A short, ugly inmate
7. COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
8. ECLIPSE What an English barber does for a living
9. LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money
10. HEROES What a man in a boat does
11. PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower
12. PARADOX Two physicians
13. PHARMACIST A helper on a Farm
14. POLARIZE What penguins see through
15. PRIMATE Remove your spouse from in front of TV
16. RELIEF What trees do in the spring
17. RUBBERNECK What you do to relax your wife
18. SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does
19. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official
20. PARADIGMS Twenty Cents
thou hast made summer and winter” (Psalm 74:17).
yet they prepare their meat in the summer” (Proverbs 30:25).
In keeping with my cogitations on Baby Boomers and senior health, I received this “helpful” advice. It definitely made me laugh, so I’ll share it in case you need something to brighten your day:
Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom, God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then, God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.
So, if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you may feel like muttering under your breath. 🙂
Six Useful Thoughts to Consider as We Grow Older
#6 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#5 Life is sexually transmitted .
#4 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
“For thou art my hope, O Lord God: thou art my trust from my youth.”
You may have seen this forward already, but I hadn’t, so I’m passing it along to you, just in case you need something to make you smile:
“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.
This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.
… When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
… A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
… When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
… The batteries were given out free of charge.
… A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
… A will is a dead giveaway.
… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
… A boiled egg is hard to beat.
… When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
… Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
… Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
… A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
… When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
… The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
… When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
And the cream of the twisted crop:
… Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
ALWAYS LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN; IT’S CHEAP MEDICINE!
This last photo is used by permission of Robert Hardee. Thank you, Bob!
Most of the time we flew between destinations on our tour of India and Nepal, but on one occasion we took a scenic bus trip along the Prithivi Highway through the rugged terrainbetween Chitwan and Pokhara in Nepal. It was “only” 110 miles, and according to the literature, we were supposed to enjoy the ride during the morning, then arrive at our hotel in time for lunch and spend the afternoon touring. NOT! It took us 8.5 hours to travel the 110 miles with only two brief bathroom breaks. The temperature was approximately a million degrees out, and between the heavy traffic, aftermath of the devastating earthquake in 2015 and intensive road construction, the air was so full of dust that trying to make out what was happening outside the windows took considerable concentration and creative imagination… which was particularly taxing considering the state of our bladders on such a rocky road! (My friend Deb said the bus ride was so bumpy that her Fitbit recorded her as walking 10,000 steps although she didn’t think she’d really walked even 500!) In fact, Alan had to sit in the front seat and also concentrate on not throwing up, since the 600 hairpin turns we’d traveled on Hawaii’s Heavenly Hana Highway had been but scant practice for surviving this rollicking ride balancing on the edge of the steep gorge overlooking the Narayani River Basin through the foothills of the Himalayan and Annapurna Mountain Ranges, which are home to eight of the world’s fourteen highest peaks! However, this trip was not only memorable for the twists and turns as we progressed at a blistering twelve miles an hour through unbelievable clouds of dust and dirt, it was also remarkable for a never-ending stream of gorgeous views that would have taken our breath away had we had any (which we didn’t, due to elevation and air pollution). Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the most dangerous road trip I’ve ever taken —although it possibly was! (Well, maybe my all-time scariest bus ride was in China back in 1995
when our bus’s transmission gave out in high gear)! 😦 And, it might not have been the dustiest ride I’ve ever been on …although I really can’t think of anything to compete! On the bright side, we had great air-conditioning, and we were definitely in the mountains much of the time (like, most of the time), which was cooler. Our driver was amazing, and although he drove as furiously as Jehu, he allowed emergency roadside stops once or twice (but what’s that between friends?). We were also granted two real stops during the 8.5 hours (but what’s that between friends with post-60-year-old bladders full of breakfast coffee?). Well, we all survived, and as far as I know, nobody threw up or wet their pants. It was also a ride I’ll bet nobody ever, ever forgets (unless they develop Alzheimer’s). Would I do it again? Yes, although with my eyes open and an entirely empty bladder. Would I recommend it for others? Absolutely!
(Possibly not for those who get motion sick
or have breathing, heart, G.I. or bladder issues.)
Did I learn anything? Yes! And, if you’re willing, let me share a few of the meditations of my heart while we bounced along: “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”
(Matthew 5:8, it’s hard to see when the windows of our hearts are dirty.) “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith,
having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience,
and our bodies washed with pure water” (Hebrews 10:22). “I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith.” (Ecclesiastes 1:13) “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness
unto them which are exercised thereby” (Hebrews 12:11). (The Prithivi Highway is going to be one of the world’s most beautiful
when it’s finished!) “And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal,
proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb” (Revelation 22:1). “Whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst;
but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water
springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:14). “What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?” “I have seen the travail,
which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. “He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: “also he hath set the world in their heart, “so that no man can find out the work that God maketh “from the beginning to the end” (Ecclesiastes 3:9-11).