You may have seen this forward already, but I hadn’t, so I’m passing it along to you, just in case you need something to make you smile:
“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.
This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.
… When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
… A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
… When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
… The batteries were given out free of charge.
… A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
… A will is a dead giveaway.
… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
… A boiled egg is hard to beat.
… When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
… Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
… Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
… A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
… When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
… The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
… When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
And the cream of the twisted crop:
… Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
ALWAYS LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN; IT’S CHEAP MEDICINE!
This last photo is used by permission of Robert Hardee. Thank you, Bob!
Most of the time we flew between destinations on our tour of India and Nepal, but on one occasion we took a scenic bus trip along the Prithivi Highway through the rugged terrainbetween Chitwan and Pokhara in Nepal. It was “only” 110 miles, and according to the literature, we were supposed to enjoy the ride during the morning, then arrive at our hotel in time for lunch and spend the afternoon touring. NOT! It took us 8.5 hours to travel the 110 miles with only two brief bathroom breaks. The temperature was approximately a million degrees out, and between the heavy traffic, aftermath of the devastating earthquake in 2015 and intensive road construction, the air was so full of dust that trying to make out what was happening outside the windows took considerable concentration and creative imagination… which was particularly taxing considering the state of our bladders on such a rocky road! (My friend Deb said the bus ride was so bumpy that her Fitbit recorded her as walking 10,000 steps although she didn’t think she’d really walked even 500!) In fact, Alan had to sit in the front seat and also concentrate on not throwing up, since the 600 hairpin turns we’d traveled on Hawaii’s Heavenly Hana Highway had been but scant practice for surviving this rollicking ride balancing on the edge of the steep gorge overlooking the Narayani River Basin through the foothills of the Himalayan and Annapurna Mountain Ranges, which are home to eight of the world’s fourteen highest peaks! However, this trip was not only memorable for the twists and turns as we progressed at a blistering twelve miles an hour through unbelievable clouds of dust and dirt, it was also remarkable for a never-ending stream of gorgeous views that would have taken our breath away had we had any (which we didn’t, due to elevation and air pollution). Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the most dangerous road trip I’ve ever taken —although it possibly was! (Well, maybe my all-time scariest bus ride was in China back in 1995
when our bus’s transmission gave out in high gear)! 😦 And, it might not have been the dustiest ride I’ve ever been on …although I really can’t think of anything to compete! On the bright side, we had great air-conditioning, and we were definitely in the mountains much of the time (like, most of the time), which was cooler. Our driver was amazing, and although he drove as furiously as Jehu, he allowed emergency roadside stops once or twice (but what’s that between friends?). We were also granted two real stops during the 8.5 hours (but what’s that between friends with post-60-year-old bladders full of breakfast coffee?). Well, we all survived, and as far as I know, nobody threw up or wet their pants. It was also a ride I’ll bet nobody ever, ever forgets (unless they develop Alzheimer’s). Would I do it again? Yes, although with my eyes open and an entirely empty bladder. Would I recommend it for others? Absolutely!
(Possibly not for those who get motion sick
or have breathing, heart, G.I. or bladder issues.)
Did I learn anything? Yes! And, if you’re willing, let me share a few of the meditations of my heart while we bounced along: “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”
(Matthew 5:8, it’s hard to see when the windows of our hearts are dirty.) “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith,
having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience,
and our bodies washed with pure water” (Hebrews 10:22). “I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith.” (Ecclesiastes 1:13) “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness
unto them which are exercised thereby” (Hebrews 12:11). (The Prithivi Highway is going to be one of the world’s most beautiful
when it’s finished!) “And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal,
proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb” (Revelation 22:1). “Whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst;
but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water
springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:14). “What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?” “I have seen the travail,
which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. “He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: “also he hath set the world in their heart, “so that no man can find out the work that God maketh “from the beginning to the end” (Ecclesiastes 3:9-11).
Posted in Adventures, Beauty Around the World, Incredible India and Nepal, Just for Fun..., Memoirs, Travels Around the World
Tagged Dust dirt and bumpy roads on Prithivi Highway in Nepal, Ecclesiastes 3:9-11 and Ecclesiastes 1:13, Gorgeous views along Prithivi Highway in Nepal, Hebrews 10:22 and Hebrews 12:11, How long does it really take to drive the 110 miles between Chitwan and Pokhara?, Matthew 5:8 John 4:14 Revelation 21:1, Prithivi Highway between Chitwan and Pokhara, Road construction after Nepal's 2015 earthquake, Road construction in Nepal
Alan has taken me somewhere very special and unusual for my birthday (out of town sans cell phone), so I won’t be home to soak up all the kindness of friends and relatives, chat on the phone, or even hit the “like” button on Face Book! Still, I wanted to let you know that you’re ever in my heart and prayers, and so I decided to prepare a few jokes so we could share some smiles today anyway!
YES!!This is in honor of all my friends who—like me—struggle with weight!This is especially for my daughter, four daughter-in-laws, nieces, and all young friends who are bravely rearing babies today! This one is a direct hit for me. Don’t know how the rest of you feel! Here’s one for my hubby and all you health-care professionals! This one’s not so funny with all the hurricanes disrupting America’s millions of alligators. May you meet no crocodiles or alligators either later or in a while. 😦(This in honor of my son Stephen, who just passed his PhD comprehensive exams in musicology. Way to go, Stephen!)This is especially for my son Joel, who works as an editor, my daughter, my writers’ group buddies and all fellow writers, lovers of good books and movies! Never thought of this one, but doesn’t it make you laugh?! …In honor of all my fellow Baby Boomers
who are developing gold-fish brains like Alan’s and mine. Anybody singing in a choir these days? 🙂 Here’s another one for the birthday girl (me).And, for all you fans of super hero movies…and Jesus!
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (John 3:16-18)
Posted in Aging and Retirement Issues, Around home, Cartoons and jokes, Holidays, Humor, Just for Fun..., Salvation
Tagged Happy Birthday Fun, John 3:16-18, Jokes about aging and weight, Jokes for mothers of small children, Jokes for readers and writers, Religious humor
I woke up this morning with a headache, which is extremely rare for me, but I wondered if a cup of coffee might cure it. However, my health insurance requires a fasting cholesterol, which was this morning, so there was to be no coffee or tea for me until after my blood draw! I survived, and I’m feeling fine without any socially acceptable chemical dependence, but it reminded me of all the funny coffee jokes my friend Sarah E. puts on her Face Book page. If you love coffee as much as I do, I hope you’ll take a two-minute coffee break and enjoy these!… . “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”
(1 Peter 4:8-10)
(Thank you, Sarah E., for sharing so many fun things to make others laugh! Truly, laughter is good medicine!)
Have you ever heard of the Great British Baking Show? I hadn’t until our son Joel introduced it to us last spring by showing us the final “round” from one season where the three contestants were to make “opera cakes.” If you enjoy baking, you might enjoy this program, although they make things that are way too complicated for me, as one who is a bit on the pragmatic side. I’d never heard of opera cake before, but on the show, the women dreamed up amazing cakes with seven tantalizing layers, everything from lemon to lavender, and peanut butter to chocolate. I was probably drooling while watching, but I didn’t think much about it until we were on a cruise of the Adriatic Sea the next month…and, guess what?! We were actually served a piece of traditional opera cake, which is a French cake made from layers of almond sponge cake soaked in coffee syrup and layered with ganache and coffee buttercream, then crowned with a chocolate glaze. It was one of those kiss-your-fingers desserts, and after I returned home, I thought sometime I should try it. However, I never have, but I’m still enamored with the idea, and sometime when I’m in a very festive mood and want to celebrate (and think I can afford the calories), I will definitely attempt it. Seven layers…what would you have? Mine would have layers of chocolate, peanut butter and strawberry cake with cherry, peach, and buttercream fillings topped with chocolate glaze. On The Great British Baking Show, the cakes were obviously supposed to be thin (and two of the three turned out too thin), but mine would look more like P.F. Chang’s Great Wall…and I wouldn’t mind that it wouldn’t win a prize on their show! If you ever make one, please send me a photo! If I ever make one, I’ll add it at the bottom. Happy baking. 🙂
2 Samuel 6:19, where David is celebrating the return of the ark: “And he dealt among all the people, even among the whole multitude of Israel, as well to the women as men, to every one a cake of bread, and a good piece of flesh, and a flagon of wine. So all the people departed every one to his house.” There are times when it’s good to celebrate!
Do you love to write? If so, you’ve probably experienced “Writer’s Block” at some point…a time when you just can’t concentrate on what you’re doing. Usually I have so many ideas bubbling in my brain that I can’t write fast enough, but this morning I felt rather zombiesque so concluded that it might be time for a pick me up…which usually sends me to my friend Dave’s Face Book page, because Dave always posts jokes that make me laugh! Okay, so not all these are from Dave’s page, and some of them are more inspirational than laughable, but I’m shamelessly sharing some favorites from FB, because I figured if I am feeling a bit sad today, then you might need a little good cheer as well. I hope they brighten your day as they have mine. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). I’m not personally experiencing the shadow of death, but I’m attending a funeral today, and a friend is having surgery for cancer next week, so I’m definitely feeling the weight of loved ones passing through the shadowlands.
Posted in Cartoons and jokes, Encouragements for Living, Grief, Just for Fun..., On writing
Tagged Blonde joke about Disneyland, Funny Facebook posts, Joke about chain letters, Jokes about tired moms, Psalm 23:4, Quote by Sir Edmund HIllary, What I do when I get writer's block