Category Archives: Cartoons and jokes

Birthday Bliss (or Not)

Alan has taken me somewhere very special and unusual for my birthday (out of town sans cell phone), so I won’t be home to soak up all the kindness of friends and relatives, chat on the phone, or even hit the “like” button on Face Book! Still, I wanted to let you know that you’re ever in my heart and prayers, and so I decided to prepare a few jokes so we could share some smiles today anyway!

YES!!This is in honor of all my friends who—like me—struggle with weight!This is especially for my daughter, four daughter-in-laws, nieces, and all young friends who are bravely rearing babies today! This one is a direct hit for me. Don’t know how the rest of you feel!  Here’s one for my hubby and all you health-care professionals! This one’s not so funny with all the hurricanes disrupting America’s millions of alligators. May you meet no crocodiles or alligators either later or in a while. 😦(This in honor of my son Stephen, who just passed his PhD comprehensive exams in musicology. Way to go, Stephen!)This is especially for my son Joel, who works as an editor, my daughter,  my writers’ group buddies and all fellow writers, lovers of good books and movies! Never thought of this one, but doesn’t it make you laugh?! …In honor of all my fellow Baby Boomers
who are developing gold-fish brains like Alan’s and mine. Anybody singing in a choir these days?  🙂 Here’s another one for the birthday girl (me).And, for all you fans of super hero movies…and Jesus!

 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (John 3:16-18)

Ready for a Coffee Break?

I woke up this morning with a headache, which is extremely rare for me, but I wondered if a cup of coffee might cure it. However, my health insurance requires a fasting cholesterol, which was this morning, so there was to be no coffee or tea for me until after my blood draw! I survived, and I’m feeling fine without any socially acceptable chemical dependence, but it reminded me of all the funny coffee jokes my friend Sarah E. puts on her Face Book page. If you love coffee as much as I do, I hope you’ll take a two-minute coffee break and enjoy these!… . Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.
(1 Peter 4:8-10)

(Thank you, Sarah E., for sharing so many fun things to make others laugh! Truly, laughter is good medicine!)

Church Ladies With Typewriters

This came as a forward from a cousin. It really made me laugh, so I’m going to share it with you, although I don’t know who the original author is. If it’s YOU (whoever you are), please let me know so I can give you credit or link it to you. Thanks!

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:   

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference  includes  meals. 

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help. 
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Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 

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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 

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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet  Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. 

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespear.

Gotta love ’em, right? At least they’re trying! 🙂

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, ESV)

Writer’s Block, Jokes, and Such

Do you love to write? If so, you’ve probably experienced “Writer’s Block” at some point…a time when you just can’t concentrate on what you’re doing. Usually I have so many ideas bubbling in my brain that I can’t write fast enough, but this morning I felt rather zombiesque so concluded that it might be time for a pick me up…which usually sends me to my friend Dave’s Face Book page, because Dave always posts jokes that make me laugh! Okay, so not all these are from Dave’s page, and some of them are more inspirational than laughable, but I’m shamelessly sharing some favorites from FB, because I figured if I am feeling a bit sad today, then you might need a little good cheer as well. I hope they brighten your day as they have mine. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). I’m not personally experiencing the shadow of death, but I’m attending a funeral today, and a friend is having surgery for cancer next week, so I’m definitely feeling the weight of loved ones passing through the shadowlands.

On the Lighter, Brighter Side

facebook-closedIn case you haven’t heard yet, I was asked to share this. keep-goingHowever, even if you can’t access Facebook, you can still do this…advice-for-shopping-in-a-mallAnd, this is definitely great advice!  🙂 doctors-strikeHere’s one for all the doctors in your life! I love this!  🙂
(Do you know any who take time to picket? I do not!)kindnessIsn’t this the truth?! galatians-2-20May this one be true for each of us!

Groundhog Day Giddies

ground-hog-dayIn honor of Groundhog Day and the prospects of 6 more weeks of winter, getting-to-know-youI thought a few good jokes might brighten our scans! marajuanaEvery once in a while I get cartoons passed along that make me laugh, the-children-of-israel-with-cell-phonesand I just need to share them!  birds-need-potty-breaks-tooToday is one of those days. o-c-d Hope you enjoy!  biscuits-and-gravyHere’s lookin’ at you, Rick,tire-pressure-tool and here’s one for your sweet wife, Cheryl (or me). bearsHere’s one for my dear friend Sarah up in Alaska, whose husband actually saved a man’s life by shooting the bear who attacked him.  smart-car-and-a-smart-aleckAnd here’s one for my son Michael and all lovers of especially small cars.
(Some of these jokes are only funny if you don’t think about them too hard.) trying-to-pound-sense-into-someoneSome jokes are funny but make a serious point & could be used against any of us. greatest-accomplishmentAnd, some cartoons are pretty much right on for all of us! 🙂

“Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is counted wise:
and he that shuts his lips is esteemed a man of understanding”

(Proverbs 17:28).

Learning to Convey Respect

Frog Parking.I initially wrote today’s post using some images Dis Humorshared by friends on Facebook that reminded me of  “life in these United States,”Definition of Musician from WOLF fmTeachers DM 2but what my age-mates and I thought of as humorous commentary on life was not considered appropriate by the younger generation, so I’m trying again.

Mother and SonI’ve just started working my way through a book called Mother and Son; The Respect Effect, by Emerson Eggerichs, on “What every mom needs to recognize in her son,” and it dawned on me that I need this book much more than the author needs me to publicize it, because I clearly do not understand how to convey the respect I feel to my grown children! When I’ve finished the book, I’ll tell you what I learned (and they gave me an extra copy to share if you’re in the market), but meanwhile, if you have children, I’d like you to join me in pondering this question: Am I giving my children the respect they deserve? RespectIf you and your kids are at a stage where you’re constantly disagreeing, then you may not even feel a lot of respect for them at the moment, but I believe God wants us to treat everyone with respect, following the example of Christ. I used to think that respect had to be earned, but Christ didn’t disparage anyone, not even the woman caught in adultery or the thief on the cross. He expressed anger and confronted evil, but he still treated people with dignity, and he himself always retained his own dignity, even when he was dying on the cross.  Love Quote by PigletOn the other hand, if you admire your kids as much as I admire mine, and you get along well with them, then it’s probably not so much whether or not you feel respect for them, but whether or not you’re able to convey that respect in a meaningful way to them. That’s where I’m at, and that’s what I’m trying to learn. Sometimes it’s not just what’s in the heart that counts, it’s learning to speak the language of the person you love, and for men, I hear that language is spelled R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (which is not as natural to a woman as L.O.V.E.).  Ann LandersDo you find yourself concerned about your relationships with your kids? Join the club. But, just remember this, our adult offspring deserve not only our love, but our sincerest respect, and if we love them, we need to learn how to convey that respect to them in ways they understand.

“Behold, God is mighty, and despiseth not any:
he is mighty in strength and wisdom” (Job 36:5).

(The signs and photos are from internet forwards. If any of them belong to you, please let me know so I can credit you or remove them. Thanks.)