Category Archives: Cartoons and jokes

Church Ladies With Typewriters

This came as a forward from a cousin. It really made me laugh, so I’m going to share it with you, although I don’t know who the original author is. If it’s YOU (whoever you are), please let me know so I can give you credit or link it to you. Thanks!

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:   

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference  includes  meals. 

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help. 
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Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 

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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 

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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet  Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. 

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespear.

Gotta love ’em, right? At least they’re trying! 🙂

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, ESV)

Writer’s Block, Jokes, and Such

Do you love to write? If so, you’ve probably experienced “Writer’s Block” at some point…a time when you just can’t concentrate on what you’re doing. Usually I have so many ideas bubbling in my brain that I can’t write fast enough, but this morning I felt rather zombiesque so concluded that it might be time for a pick me up…which usually sends me to my friend Dave’s Face Book page, because Dave always posts jokes that make me laugh! Okay, so not all these are from Dave’s page, and some of them are more inspirational than laughable, but I’m shamelessly sharing some favorites from FB, because I figured if I am feeling a bit sad today, then you might need a little good cheer as well. I hope they brighten your day as they have mine. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). I’m not personally experiencing the shadow of death, but I’m attending a funeral today, and a friend is having surgery for cancer next week, so I’m definitely feeling the weight of loved ones passing through the shadowlands.

On the Lighter, Brighter Side

facebook-closedIn case you haven’t heard yet, I was asked to share this. keep-goingHowever, even if you can’t access Facebook, you can still do this…advice-for-shopping-in-a-mallAnd, this is definitely great advice!  🙂 doctors-strikeHere’s one for all the doctors in your life! I love this!  🙂
(Do you know any who take time to picket? I do not!)kindnessIsn’t this the truth?! galatians-2-20May this one be true for each of us!

Groundhog Day Giddies

ground-hog-dayIn honor of Groundhog Day and the prospects of 6 more weeks of winter, getting-to-know-youI thought a few good jokes might brighten our scans! marajuanaEvery once in a while I get cartoons passed along that make me laugh, the-children-of-israel-with-cell-phonesand I just need to share them!  birds-need-potty-breaks-tooToday is one of those days. o-c-d Hope you enjoy!  biscuits-and-gravyHere’s lookin’ at you, Rick,tire-pressure-tool and here’s one for your sweet wife, Cheryl (or me). bearsHere’s one for my dear friend Sarah up in Alaska, whose husband actually saved a man’s life by shooting the bear who attacked him.  smart-car-and-a-smart-aleckAnd here’s one for my son Michael and all lovers of especially small cars.
(Some of these jokes are only funny if you don’t think about them too hard.) trying-to-pound-sense-into-someoneSome jokes are funny but make a serious point & could be used against any of us. greatest-accomplishmentAnd, some cartoons are pretty much right on for all of us! 🙂

“Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is counted wise:
and he that shuts his lips is esteemed a man of understanding”

(Proverbs 17:28).

Learning to Convey Respect

Frog Parking.I initially wrote today’s post using some images Dis Humorshared by friends on Facebook that reminded me of  “life in these United States,”Definition of Musician from WOLF fmTeachers DM 2but what my age-mates and I thought of as humorous commentary on life was not considered appropriate by the younger generation, so I’m trying again.

Mother and SonI’ve just started working my way through a book called Mother and Son; The Respect Effect, by Emerson Eggerichs, on “What every mom needs to recognize in her son,” and it dawned on me that I need this book much more than the author needs me to publicize it, because I clearly do not understand how to convey the respect I feel to my grown children! When I’ve finished the book, I’ll tell you what I learned (and they gave me an extra copy to share if you’re in the market), but meanwhile, if you have children, I’d like you to join me in pondering this question: Am I giving my children the respect they deserve? RespectIf you and your kids are at a stage where you’re constantly disagreeing, then you may not even feel a lot of respect for them at the moment, but I believe God wants us to treat everyone with respect, following the example of Christ. I used to think that respect had to be earned, but Christ didn’t disparage anyone, not even the woman caught in adultery or the thief on the cross. He expressed anger and confronted evil, but he still treated people with dignity, and he himself always retained his own dignity, even when he was dying on the cross.  Love Quote by PigletOn the other hand, if you admire your kids as much as I admire mine, and you get along well with them, then it’s probably not so much whether or not you feel respect for them, but whether or not you’re able to convey that respect in a meaningful way to them. That’s where I’m at, and that’s what I’m trying to learn. Sometimes it’s not just what’s in the heart that counts, it’s learning to speak the language of the person you love, and for men, I hear that language is spelled R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (which is not as natural to a woman as L.O.V.E.).  Ann LandersDo you find yourself concerned about your relationships with your kids? Join the club. But, just remember this, our adult offspring deserve not only our love, but our sincerest respect, and if we love them, we need to learn how to convey that respect to them in ways they understand.

“Behold, God is mighty, and despiseth not any:
he is mighty in strength and wisdom” (Job 36:5).

(The signs and photos are from internet forwards. If any of them belong to you, please let me know so I can credit you or remove them. Thanks.)

Quotable Quips for a Rainy—or Sunny—Day

Alligator v.s. CrocodileI love jokes and quips. Do you? Here are a few I’ve been saving up for just such an occasion as today. Hope you enjoy them, and if you’ve already heard them, I hope they still make you smile!

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” ~Lily Tomlin

“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” ~Phyllis Diller

“If you love something, set it free. Unless it’s chocolate. Never release chocolate.” ~Renee Duvall

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” ~Milton Berle

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” ~Paula Poundstone

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” ~George Carlin

“He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.”~Ben Franklin

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”~Erma Bombeck

“The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.” ~Evan Esar

“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.” ~Doug Larson

“Laughter is an instant vacation.” ~Milton Berle (and I hope you’re enjoying some vacation during this beautiful summer!)

Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, The Lord hath done great things for them. The Lord hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad” (Psalm 26:2-3).

 

Fun for the Fourth of July!

Hot dog on iceYou know it’s hot when you see photos like these! Plastic cup melter on railing Just for the record, none of these pictures are mine. Cookies baking on car dashI am shamelessly passing them along to you from an internet forward,-2but I think they’re funny and apropos for July heat, so I wanted to share them.Pigeons in shade Anyway, hope you have a wonderful Fourth of July,
warm with the love of family and friends but not too hot, -4and full of all the abundance which God does intend for us. Plastic hanger melted in car heatIf you are suffering today, -10may God bless you with relief, peace, courage, and hope.  -5Much love to you from Michigan, Melted Highway conewhere it’s not nearly so hot as it is in these pictures! 🙂

-3A man shall be as an hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land” (Isaiah 32:2; This passage is speaking of the Messiah, whom I believe is Jesus Christ.)

(If any of these pictures belong to you, please let me know so I can credit you and/or remove them from this post, depending on your wishes. Thanks!)