Want to craft win-win situations rather than dissatisfying compromises in life? My son-in-law works for Pokemon, and last year over the holidays he mentioned reading a great book on negotiating. (Not sure if he got the tip from his company or not, but Pokemon must know how to negotiate given their huge success!) Anyway, this year many of us read the book, including me, and I loved it!
The author, Chris Voss, is a brilliant negotiator. His resumé includes training at Harvard and the FBI, 14 years serving as a member of the New York City Joint Terrorism Task Force and 24 years working with the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit, including 4 years as the FBI’s chief international hostage and kidnapping negotiator. At present, he’s still an adjunct Professor at Harvard Law School (and others) as well as the CEO of his own company, The Black Swan Group.
So, doubtless one of the best men on the face of the earth to be giving advice on how to negotiate! But not just hostages and international kidnapping cases. Chris’s intention is to teach his readers how to solve personal and business negotiation issues by using what he calls emotional intelligence tools.
Never Split the Difference reads a little like a thriller, because Chris begins each chapter with a personal example. It’s definitely my kind of book, because the stories are inspirational and true, and most of the time, good overcomes evil in the end. Not only do the stories draw you in, they are unforgettable, practice applications of the life lessons he’s trying to teach. As he points out, “Life is negotiation.”
Chris distills his lessons into 10 easy chapters, and I’m going to list a few key points, but if you (like me) really want to learn how to help yourself and others get through negotiations to a win/win end, you (like me!) will need to read (and study and practice) the book. Here are a few of his top strategies:
*Let other people go first. (Not just to be nice; he explains the “why.”)
*You want people to say, “That’s Right!” not “you’re right.”
*Beware of “yes” and master letting other people say “no.”
*Master the “FM DJ nighttime voice” to help people relax. It’s a small skill that makes a massive difference.
*Learn to mirror what people say. Don’t “feel their pain, but label it.”
*Find the “Black Swan” (the something small and subtle that has a great impact on how the other person thinks and effects what he needs).
As with all power tools, these skills can be used for good or ill, but my prayer is that each of us who practices becoming a better negotiator will focus on desiring that good overcomes evil with the goal of truly loving one another.
“Now the goal of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart,
a good conscience, and a sincere faith.”
(1 Timothy 1:5, HCSB)
Summer Setting 
I definitely will be reading this book. Thank you!
I hope you appreciate it as much as I have!