Church Ladies With Typewriters

This came as a forward from a cousin. It really made me laugh, so I’m going to share it with you, although I don’t know who the original author is. If it’s YOU (whoever you are), please let me know so I can give you credit or link it to you. Thanks!

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:   

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference  includes  meals. 

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help. 
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Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 

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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 

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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet  Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. 

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespear.

Gotta love ’em, right? At least they’re trying! 🙂

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, ESV)

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