How many presents can Santa fit in his sack when it’s empty?
Only one; after that it’s not empty anymore. (What do you think, Ru?)
Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught. (God bless all homeschooling moms this season!)
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite! (Olivia M….)
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle.
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Oh, ya? Well then, who gives presents to puppies?
Santa Paws, of course! 🙂
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells. (Dedicated to the memory of our beloved Abishai, who could never resist chasing skunks, and for all of you who love and own dogs.)
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy. (This one’s for Annika. Congrats on your new bakery!)
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful! (Dedicated to my son Stephen and all musicologists.)
What do you sing to a snowman who’s depressed because he’s melting?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem. (These 2 are for all my psychiatrist friends~)
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. (I’ll try this one of my son Aaron!)
What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad. (For all grand kids who love toads [which includes all mine!])
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we’ll go places! (This one’s for my husband.) 🙂
Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care. (Dedicated to all dedicated physicians.)
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer! (For all fellow lovers of second-hand stores.)
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it! (For my drummer boys, Dan and Joel.)
How is a Christmas tree like a clumsy knitter?
They both drop needles. (Did you almost guess this one? I did! Dedicated to all knitters, especially Sarah J. and my son Michael, who are the best knitters I know!)
How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger. (Now here’s one I couldn’t guess, dedicated to Kari, the best Ob/Gyn I know!)
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22, NIV)