Why Not Just Embrace Homosexuality?

Alan and Kathi with Ronald McDonald copy“Excuse me, surely your friend’s sibling is enjoying one of the happiest times of his/her life and you(r friend) are GRIEVING?? Outrageously selfish.”

I knew if I touched the topic of homosexuality, even to address the issue of how to encourage those who grieve, I’d get some diverse responses, because it truly is a hot topic right now! However, it seems like the best way is usually an attempt at open communication, so I’m going to share why I don’t think grieving over a loved one who has headed into homosexuality is necessarily outrageously selfish. In fact, I think it can actually be a sign of deep love.

However, I want to begin by pointing out that people who are offended because it will cause them personal embarrassment probably aren’t grieving; they are more likely frustrated or angry. I’m not talking about those people, although I empathize with them, because I’ve been guilty at times of feeling more concern for my own reputation than loving my neighbor, and so I am not blameless. Also, people who think homosexuality is immoral but don’t have a deep love for the homosexuals as individuals are likely to be angry because they think those people are wrong and will be “messing up society,” just as many people react negatively to those who commit adultery. I’m not actually talking about those people either, although I think all of us have a natural aversion to people whom we believe will be a negative influence on us or society. That’s just being self-protective, and I think we all have to fight and overcome that battle if we are truly to love our neighbors.

I am talking about people who grieve their loved ones choosing a homosexual lifestyle because they believe it will not ultimately bring them happiness…at least not one that lasts. Here is where walking by faith and living without faith diverge. Those of us who believe the Bible is true, and that there is a God who loves us intensely and has designed the world for mutual communion and joy, typically believe that God has set out for us in the scripture how to live for our personal and corporate well-being as human beings. To us, biblical principles are like a manual on “how to live a happy life,” the way a car manual describes how to keep our cars running smoothly. We don’t look at biblical teachings as laws to prohibit our pleasure but rather as a light to show us the way to true pleasure!

In the Bible, there are about 11 instances of forbidding homosexual union, most commonly in lists that also forbid incest and bestiality. For whatever reason, our culture still considers incest and bestiality inappropriate but has judged that homosexuality is now acceptable. If you don’t believe in God or in the Bible as the Word of God, can you at least see how those of us who believe the Bible was written for our good can also believe that homosexuality will not bring true happiness to those who engage in it?

For the past several days, I’ve also been pondering: What are the pros and cons of a homosexual lifestyle? Why does it appeal to some? My mind went immediately back to the humorous line from My Fair Lady: “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” Although I’ve never felt sexual attraction to women, I do remember that my older sister and I were inseparable buddies throughout college, teaching school afterward, short-term mission work, and seminary. If we disagreed, we’d always invoke “listen to the voice of reason,” trying to work things out logically and spiritually, guided by our desire to find unity in the Spirit. When I married Alan, he teased that he really hated to break up “such a far out pair of old maids.” (I was 22.) The next 43 years were not only almost twice as long but seemed way more than twice as hard. So…would I have been better off to skip marriage to a man?Walking with Alan copyFor me, no. Even though it was harder, I think it was also better. I really do appreciate the complementarity. Although I truly believe the pinnacle experience in life is communion with God, I will vote for intercourse as the second best, and true intercourse is only possible between a male and a female. Life is much more than physical. Beyond the physical is the universe of spiritual mystery…the kind of experiences where orgasm results not only in transitory pleasure but in the creation of a new life…a completely new creation where two have become eternally one. Life is full of mysteries! I’ll never know my husband completely, but for all my trying, I’ve learned a vast amount about men generally….more than would ever have been possible had I continued to experience life only with the perspectives of another woman. And, men represent half the world, right? The other half of the world is definitely worth trying to understand! A heterosexual relationship is more challenging, but it’s also more expanding. Other is hard, but it’s good! Two gloves match, but oh the warmth when you slip a glove onto your hand! Contrast heightens perception. Different isn’t bad, it’s just different, and it’s often helpful. For instance, in rearing kids, the complementarity is good: “Two contrasted theories, such as the wave and particle theories of light, may be able to explain a set of phenomena, although each separately only accounts for some aspects.” Yup! Alan and I had 6 sons and 1 daughter. We failed a lot, but there’s no doubt in my mind that I would have failed a lot more had I not had the influence of a man in making decisions. A+C Playing with Kids copyAnd on, and on. This is turning into an essay instead of a post, but it’s just the beginning. Even if you’re not a believer, I hope you can see why some of us think homosexuality isn’t as rich or beautiful as heterosexuality, and therefore why we might grieve when someone we love chooses what might seem to be (for them) an easier path to sexual pleasure and companionship. We believe an even happier life is possible, and we grieve what they might miss.

“He that handles a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusts in the Lord, happy is he” (Proverbs 16:20).


2 responses to “Why Not Just Embrace Homosexuality?

  1. How I would love to sit on your couch with a cup of tea over this one…

    Honestly, Kathi, I wouldn’t care about any of it if it didn’t matter to God… but because it matters to Him, it matters to me. He made us male and female and the differences are constantly before us if we are only paying attention.

    We, male and female, were created in His image and no other part of His creation can claim that. Gender is special to God.

    Recently, I ran into an old friend. She did several mission trips with me and it was always a pleasure to have her on the team. Recently she bailed on her marriage. I found out from her Christian husband when I saw him alone at a funeral. He was heartbroken and was able to share the basics of his side of the story. A couple of weeks ago I finally saw Gale. I gave her opportunity to share her side of the story. She just smiled and had no trouble saying “We’re divorced.” It’s been 5 years and I still choke on the words – avoiding them if I can. There was no remorse, no heartache,… only smiles as she gleefully told me that she was excited about what God had next for her.

    I was stunned, but I’m learning that this is a common response. I could see that she was done with him and was moving on. I was betrayed and rejected by a man caught in homosexuality for our entire marriage. He even confessed to the girls that he only married me to cover his secret. I can honestly say, I have felt no anger – only grief for a man who has no idea how this looks to God… who has no understanding of sin and its consequences. I fear for him and his future. Is there any other response that would be appropriate for any of our loved ones that are in habitual sin? I don’t know of one.

    I recently came across this short video as it relates to Josh Dugger. Josh and Bob have similar stories (as do Anna Dugger and I), but the application of this teaching will apply in many other situations in the church today. This 2+ minute video summarizes alot in a short time – and brings me grief that I don’t think Bob and Josh have known justification, yet.

    Would appreciate prayers for a writing class I will be teaching to 7-10th graders this semester… teaching from a Biblical perspective… teaching so that others will be able to communicate God’s glory to a lost world… like you do. God bless, Susan

    • How I’d love to have you over for a cup of tea! Thanks for your input. I was ready to hear the rest of the points on the video, though; it seemed like he was just getting started. I like the idea for discernment that sheep stumble but pigs wallow. Like you, I truly grieve, as I know God does…although I’m also sadly aware that He grieves over my blind spots and sins too, not just those of others. I’ll pray for you as you prepare to teach. 🙂

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